Its Been A Looooong Time

Weeeell......

What to say?

Where to start?


Im sooo gawn from GA and doing well so far.
Been staying with my bestest and oh so grateful for that.

My car is here in CT,after being immobile for almost 2 mths I kind of felt Id be that way for awhile.

The boys are great..Braylon is getting HUGE!! (pics as soon as I can guys)
Shamarr is 3 going on 14..too damn much for me y'all too damn much (pics of him soon as well)

Being home feels good..on a job hunt right about now.

We are getting a house!!!
Its sooo niiice...Im soo grateful for things going in the right direction.
I feel like GA had ya' girl stagnant, I just couldnt do it guys.

Buuut..Im home now visiting non-phony fam', probably attending a cookout tomorrow.
If anything Ill just go because Lil Mar enjoys the air, let him run about.

Truth be told..this is my first time sitting at a computer since my last entry..so Im not so sure when my next will be, Ill try to make it soon.

Thanx for All the Mothers Day shout outs!!!

I had a great Moms Day...K.D took me shopping for clothes and sneakers (got some FLY AZZ J's)..Im soo appreciative for that..Love ma' babes.

I hope all my Moms enjoyed their day and you guys enjoy your holiday.

Much love..Miss yall!!!!

Update and a Plug

Hey guys!!

All is well...
Gearing up for this weekend and MONDAY!!!!

My son is soo excited for our grand appearance..he tells me daily how he misses me and "his" Braylon..lol.

I have a J.O.B waiting for ME!!!

Thanx to my AWESOME BFF...L!!!
LOVES HER!!!

She has TRULY shown me TRUE friendship and that she really DOES care for me.

Onto other things..




I HAVE to inform my people on this website by a fellow V-logger Jia.

She is a true gem for this one.

The website is www.projectnewera.com

It is about OUR community and the horrible things that our happening to US and OUR children.

PLEASE check it out..it it SOO worth it.
You will be informed and who knows..YOU just might have some info that can help one of OUR missing children/men/women.

I love y'all...once again check out the site and show some love.

Be Good

::smooches::

Ok Ok Ok

Wonderin' Where the hell Ive been???


And What Ive been doin'??




Weeellllll.......


Im.....



Busy....



AS HELL......




PACKING!!!!!

As you all may know...
I am moving back home to Ct.
We (My brother and I) purchased our tickets and we are OUT OF HERE in 10 DAYS!!!

Soooo.....

You wont hear much from me being that it is HELLA hectic getting things in order to go to storage for a short period of time.

But.....

I wont be gone too long...I have been stalking and not commenting..havent been on the Comp. too much if it isnt looking up prices on movers and what have you.

I havent forgotten about you guys so PLEASE dont forget about your gurl :-)

I'll holla soon.

::smooches::

Transformed

I feel like I have transformed into the "Me" that Ive been muffling for soo long.

I say this because..I used to go out often and smoke trees ALOT!!

Never the less my child was taken care of and it was ALWAYS a once a weekend thang.

But....

I feel like I have truly changed guys.
I used to go out because I was unsatisfied with my relationship.
It was around the time where Id SAY that he wasnt doing this or wasnt giving me that..and I felt like I couldnt talk to the man I loved/the man who claimed to love me.

Soo..

I thought getting REAL FLY and stepping out on the town was suffice.

No..

I went out last nite with my "New" self and felt soo out of place..the WHOLE time I just wanted to go home and hold Braylon y'all and call my oldest on the phone.
NO LIE!!

I just wanted my Chocolate Little Monster to smile and coo in my face and hear Shamarr send me kisses through the phone rather than the foo's that was up in there last nite. ::SMH::

I love ALL EVERYWHERE and I dont discriminate but WHY does it seem like my people from the South are stuck in a time warp??
I REALLY wanted to take the ladies shopping and GET THEM SOMETHING THAT COMPLIMENTED THEIR BODY SHAPE!!
And the fellaz??
You dont go out looking like you just got out of bed and said "Hey, I thank I wanna go to da' club"


Aaaanyhoooo...

I truly feel that "change" in me..I am actually content with my relationship and the fact that we ARE going to argue and not see eye to eye on EVERYTHING..but..hey..that makes for SPECTACULAR make up sex ::WINK::

Im happy y'all and there is NOTHING a club with a HOT MESS man or even a SEXXY ass one can do for me.

I am all about my family and proud of it.

MY FAMILY

Gawn Baby Gawn

Well Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have an update for you.

K.D

After K.D and I had our MUCH NEEDED talk, we decided that financially, it would be best that he go back home and get up the money needed.

For what you ask??

I'M GOIN' HOOOOME IN ABOUT 4 WKS!!!

Besides that..we need to get a head start on saving for our place.

Im soo glad we talked things out because lemme tayle y'all homeboy was SOOO OUT THA DOOR!!!

I was MORE than serious.

It felt AWESOME to get EVERY feeling Ive been feeling for 5 YRS out in the open.
When I say he had NO WORDS when I aired it out...I KNEW he felt what I said and it had impacted him in a way that he SHUT THE HELL UP and finally talked to me later that evening.

It seems we are on track besides the fact that he WONT LET UP about "Seatfiller".
That droves me CRAZY!!
But I ignore him.

QUESTION???

Why do some men do that??
Bring up the past and just WONT let it die??
**I know some of me ladies do that as well..but Im not involved with a lady so Im askin' about men**

Moving on.......

He Took My Love With Him :-(

I am sooo sad right now you guys because to make it easier on our pockets when Braylon and I fly up next mth K.D too Shamarr with him :-(

I CRIIIED like a child who lost their puppy!!!


gI cant GO withouy my babies y'all!!!

That was the HARDEST thing to do.

BUT!!

It will get him closer to his Dad and respect him as a FATHER and NOT a playmate.

I will live.. I guess.


They left Sunday morning and believe you me Shamarr hasnt had a chance to miss me..I've called THAT much..lol.

Well guys..there is my lil' update.

Get at me with the comments

::SMOOCHES::





REAL QUICK!!!

My mom had her operation and she is doing well..just waiting on results now!!

LADIES!!

Have yourself checked for Pollaps!!

Keep your health IN CHECK!!

Ego

I have a SEVERE headache y'all.

JUST when I think I am making progress in my relationship..the ugly truth rears its HIDEOUS head.
It is THEE most frustrating,heart wrenching, painful, honesty Ive come to know plenty times before.

K.D.

I guess I was a bit too gleeful and unfocused on the inevitable

Which is....

He and I will ore than likely fall apart.

I have tried and tried with this man y'all and the last thing I want to make myself seem is an Angel..that..I am NOT.
I too have my faults.
And I ALSO tell the damn TRUTH when I KNOW Ive messed up even when it KILLS my pride.

But this time??

Its not me.
For real.

I am this >< close to asking him to go home and live his life the way he feels I messed it up.
Cuz' to me??
Its only been 2 weeks and he has PLENTY time to pick up where he left off.

I wanna go in detail but I feel like I need to talk to him first.
Even though Ive TRIED and I got shut down *as fuggin usual*..but best believe I have to listen to bitchin and moanin' more than a female on her cycle without shuttin' THAT the fug down.

I cant do this anymore y'all.
My heart is in a different place...my children.
THEY come FIRST no matter the cost.

I have so many goals that I want to achieve and I cant do that with a negative person by my side.

AND!!

If this is JUST a EGO THANG that men "go through" b/c he had to leave what he knew and will have to start all over again??
Then he is REALLY fuggin up what WE have based on his ego.

Basically pointing the finger at me because I decided to TRY something different and it didnt apply to YOU!!
It was NEVER about YOU!!
It was about my BABIES!!
I REALIZED GA ISNT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS AND I DONT NEED YOU TO REMIND ME OF A MISTAKE IVE MADE!!!













Y'all holla atcha gurl..Im in a bad way right now.
I really need some guidance..trust me I will elaborate when the time is right.

Peace

I Love This Gurl

Just wanted those who havent seen this to enjoy it.

I LOVES CHRISSETTE!!

Kinda Hot

Ok..Ive never been an Ashanti "lover" per say and Ive also never hated on her in the same breath.

But 1 thing I MUST admit y'all...

This song AND video is the HAWTNESS!!!

GAWN SHANI'!!!

Missed Ya Much

Heeey Guuuys!!!

I've missed you soo much!

I guess Im off my lil' hiatus.

Got a lil' story to tell ::snickering::
*Or maybe I shouldnt laugh cuz I DAMN sure wasnt laughing at the time*

Buuut anyhoo..

As you all know my babes has entered the state of GA until we get our move on back home to CT.

Soooo....last Wed Im all excited and ish cant wait to see him and what have you.
Ride down the street..I see him sittin' down talkin' to some random dude..aight no problem.

There was no place to stop so we went down a lil further to turn around.

Now..this is when my self tells me "Self?? He is STILL sitting on the ground chattin' it up with ol' dude and thats NOT like him"
I say this to myself because I know my babes and he spotted us as well..he usually would stand up and put 1 hand in the air to make sure we saw him..but...Naaah..my babe is STILL on the ground.

So my mother hops out to see whats what while Im on the phone with my brother *whom we had to pick up later that nite from the Airport* making sure we all were on the same page and blah blah blah.

I hang up with my brother because K.D STILL had not come to the car!
I knew something was WRONG....VERY WRONG!!

I get out my mom has this look on her face...and my heart is RACIN' y'all RACIN'!!

She tells me he got caught with some smoke *weed* and they were detaining my baby!!
Im like NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Aw LAWD NOT MA" BABY!!!


I go over to him and he looks soo pitiful y'all..my babe is not a trouble maker nor is he the type to be in a whole mess of ish.
Not to mention his embarrassment because my mom hopped out before me *sigh*



Also....the random dude he was talking to was undercover!! *GO FIGURE!*
He was a nice guy and all..he even made my mom believe it was a small amount of tree's
when it REALLY was a fuggin' 'O!!!
*an ounce of weed for ma' slow folk..lol*

I have NO idea what he was thinking..I didnt even want to try..I just knew that he didnt need an "I told ya' so" from me...he needed my support and to know that I am his woman and will have his back whether it be good or bad.

The F'd up part is that we sat in the detention center from 12:30 p.m to 7:30 p.m!!

Now that just dont make NO DAMN SENSE!!!

Why the HELL does it take THAT long to fingerprint someone and get them booked?!?!?!

I mean...we had the money to bond him out which was a damn SHAM too!!!

THEN!!!

This damn Sheriff lady says to MY son *who was gettin' antsy b/c we've been there an ENTIRE work shift!!! He's 3 STUPID!! What were you expecting?!?!* "Ay Ay Ay wid all dat noise!"

Was she fuggin' jokin'?!?!?

Cuz um ya' gurl was next to be booked and processed...I kindly stated to her "We got this hon'..your input is not needed"

Ugh!!! I wanted to SCREAM!!!












By the end of the nite I was feeling like....


to GA and their whack ass system!!

HOME SWEET HOME!!!

HERE I COME!!!



Sidebar: All is well though we went to court the next morning and his case was dismissed and we get the bond money back!!!

HOLD ME DOWN YALL

NEVER FEAR!!
YOUR GIRL IS STILL HERE!!!
MY MOM IS IN TOWN AND I'LL BE PICKIN K.D UP WED *YAY!*
SOOOO....IM'A HAVE TO GET BACK TO Y'ALL!!
BUT YA' KNOW I'LL DO MY BEST TO LEAVE COMMENTS AND CHECK MY PEOPLE OUT.
LOVE YA' MUCH!
*SMOOCHES*
LOVE YA' MUCH!!

Oh NO She DIDNT

A LETTER TO SANAA LATHAN

Now looky here trick,

You may have caught the "hollywood" bug and popped a Valium before your appearance at the NAACP Image Awards, but, that doesnt mean you can just COMPLETELY disregard the fact that you had the GIFT of HONORING A LEGEND WHO PAVED THE WAY FOR ALL BLACK TALENT TODAY!!

The fact that you read off the teleprompter without the NOTION to give her PERSONAL praise **which ya' should have ya' ungrateful traullup!!** PISSES ME OFF TO NO AVAIL!!

**deep sigh** I am an art lover who would DIE to be in her presence **well, not EXACTLY die, but yo' punk ass get my point**

To sit and talk to such an accomplished talented black woman is a dream to me at this point in my life.

I would be so honored to be ASKED to present this award to her!!

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!

Has Hollywood JADED to a self indulgent matter?!?!

Thats the vibe I was getting!!

There would be NO WAY IN HELL Id let ANYONE mess my mood up to the point where Id disrespect someone SO worthy of my praise!!

With that said *because my tangent will only get worse if I continue*
Realize and appreciate those that came before you,who had it NOT been for them: The Ruby Dee's, The Sydney Poitiers,The Ossie Davis's, The Diane Carol's, just to name a few.
Dammit!! Those names ALONE should put yo' ass to shame for your blahzay reaction to such an AMAZING woman!!

If she WASNT one of your idols MAYBE yo' ass shouldve passed on presenting!!

Ho' Im just sayin'!!

Get yo' sh*t togetha!

Alyse a.k.a MsLady *ACT LIKE YOU KNOW!*


Yea..Im mad! Who saw the awards tonite??
Who saw how whack she was??
*sigh* Alright Im a bit dramatic..but I respect sooo many legends and cant STAND when an ungrateful person gets the opportunity that would mean a HELLUVA lot more to someone else!!

CONGRATS TO THE LEGENDARY RUBY DEE
(You looked amazing tonite!)

Brought Tears To My Eyes

KANYE...NEED I SAY MORE??

My heart ACHED for Kanye trying to get through this song.
I just wanted to make sure my blog fam' got to see the TALENT and ORIGINALITY that IS KANYE WEST

To top off a FIYAH performance for "Stronger" he came out and jerked at your heart strings.
I still feel his pain and wish him ALL the best in life.

He is what HipHop is lacking and that is originality and TALENT!!

Am I the only one that realizes his next album is going to be RI-DAMN-DICULOUS?!?!?!

I hope not.

Lata Babies!!

Dreams

So lately Ive been having some dreams that have caused me to worry a bit *the ones I remember atleast*

And I took note from one of my "everyday blog check outs" Ms Behavin' *Heeey Guuurl..lol* and went to www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary
and found out their meaning.

First dream....

King Kong

****STOP THE MO'FO PRESSES!!! BEFORE YOU READ ON..I PLAYED MYSELF SOO HARD AND KEPT CALLING KING KONG GODZILLA!! LMAO!! I HAD A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERCEPTION OF THIS DREAM...SOOO I AM NOW REALIZING WHAT THIS DREAM REALLY MEANS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!! ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME?!?!!?****

HERES WHAT HAPPENED..

MY MOTHER AND I *some other people I knew well..but you know how in your dream you know the people in it but cant pin point who is who?* were on top of a yellow bus and all the animals where running away b/c they saw King Kong and wasnt fkn with him.

My dmbass says to my mother "IF we dont move he wont see us" but he did and started yanking mo'fo's off the damn bus.

And....scene..lol

thats all I remember

HERE IS THE TRUE MEANING OF MY KING KONG DREAM......

Gorilla

To see a gorilla in your dream, suggests that you may be too "over the top" in your behavior. Perhaps you are compensating for your rigidity and stiffness in your waking life. Alternatively, the gorilla symbolizes your primitive impulses, wild nature and repressed sexual energy.

Woooow...
Repressed sexual energy huh??
That would explain the last post..lol.



Moving on!

EXPLOSIONS

I had a dream that I was holding Braylon and these kids *a whole bunch of kids* where lighting firecrackers and throwing them EVERYWHERE. It got to the point where it was so much that it led to a HUGE explosion. THAT one freaked me out a bit..anytime I dream and fire is involoved it usually scares me.

Explosion

To see explosions in your dream, signifies a loss and displeasure in business. It may also mean that your repressed emotions and rage have come to the surface in a forceful and violent manner.

To dream that your face becomes blackened or mutilated by the explosion, signifies that will be confronted with unjust accusations and may suffer the consequences.

To dream that you are enveloped in flames or blown up into the air by an explosion, forewarns that unworthy friends will violate your rights and abuse your confidence.

To hear the sound of a loud explosion, but you did not see it, signifies that your troubles will soon be replaced with tranquility after you have overcome some small obstacle.

All of it pertains to me

BEING PREGNANT..AGAIN!

So this last one was me and K.D in my our bedroom and he is sitting on the bed while Im standing. I look to him and say "Babe, Im pregnant again" All he did was lay across the bed and said absolutely nothing. I stand there confused And...scene

Pregnant

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

To dream that you are pregnant with the baby dying inside of you suggests that a project you had put a lot of effort into is falling apart and slowly deteriorating. Nothing works out the way you want it to.

If you are really pregnant and having this dream, then it represents your anxieties about the pregnancy. Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams consists of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.

This is the one I felt really good about *go figure..being that I THOUGHT it meant I was having a 3rd!!* because so many things within me are changing for the better and I feel AWESOME about it!



Well guys, that'll do for today. Sorry if I bored anyone..my dreams have been worrying me and I just thought I'd share.

The Man VDay

REPPIN' FO' MY FELLAZ

Okay so I came across this from one of the Vlogs I watch on Youtube.

This chick put a link as well as a Vlog about "Steak and Blowjob Day"

Okaaaay...

I guess I cant be mad because V-Day IS about the ladies and whatnot..men dont really get a kick out of it.

That day is their day,,cant really argue with that ladies.

Soooo...

*presidential music playing in the background*


As of today


I AM OFFICIALLY A PARTICIPANT ON MARCH 13TH

STEAK AND BJ DAY

*APPLAUSE..AND..EXIT*

(AM i BECOMING A BIT MUCH FOR YOU GUYS?? iM JUST BEING ME..LOL*WINK*)

Alone On Valentines Day

My V'Day is going to SUCK!!!

My babes doesnt arrive til' the following Sat/Sun *we havent fully decided yet..its 1 of the 2* I mean..We can celebrate then but it wont be the same and LAWD knows we wot have "alone" time with the babies hangin about. This here will just be taken as a lose.

*sigh* Oh well..

Atleast I'll git some!

I DID IT

I MADE MY BLOG ROLL!!
THANX Y'ALL!

Duh

HELP?

Maybe Im not applying myself.
But...
How do I make a "Blog Roll"??
*sigh* Im so confused...

HELP Y'ALL!!

Body Image

Heeey My Lovely's!!



Ive had a few things on my mind regarding the fact that I have a TOTAL of 23 lbs to lose to get back the my pre-pregnant weight *sigh*

So....

Im feeling a bit "Eh" latley because ya' gurl was FEELIN' ha' self when I walked past the mirror *mirror* around that time.

I mean I wasnt all BLADOW and all LEAN in ish



Because I LOVE my thickness and it was SOO profound pre-pregnancy *having flashbacks n ish*

(Im soo pear shaped...1st on the left)

I spoke to my Mom *my ROCK* and she has to have this operation AGAIN that scares the ish outta me! Im soo worried because IM the one the usually takes care of her at times like these. The fact that Im so far away KILLS me.
My point, the Doc said that what is causing the things to reappear *its a female thang fellas, thats mostly why I wont elaborate as well as the fact that Mom dukes caint STAND her business be OUT there* is related to weight and what have you.
Now, my Mom is the type that holds ALOT in and when she's stressed she will LET IT OUT in her sleep talk. Soooo....her man was like she was tossing and turning and fighting in her sleep and out the blue says "YOU BETTER GET CHECKED OUT ALYSE!! GO TO THE DOCTOR!!"
When she told me this I was like "Damn, this is more serious than she tried to lead me to believe" she doesnt like me to worry about but her, but she's my Mother, how can I NOT!!
Sooo...with that said I am on my way to doing what I gotta to get rid of the "excess" I dont want my kids to go through this.

Also!
My family has a history of cancer in the "female areas" and it scares me so bad.
I gotta get my mind right and feel good about my health as well as my body image
Both sides of my families have serious heart problems as well and that freaks me out too.

I gotta get right y'all




Lata Lovely's!!

Appreciation

A Lil' Sumthin' For You Guys
You truly make a difference in my life :-}

***yea yea yea..I know Im look CRAZY!!! still just wanted to show my appreciation***

Made A Wrong Turn

Ok. Im supposed to be doing my FAFSA forms for school *got it open in another tab* and Im listening to Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun *shout out to Don for reminding me of the HOTNESS that is this album* and I realize that "Didnt Cha Know" is RIGHT where my soul is right now! I was like wait....play that one mo' time leese and LISTEN to what she is saying. And I said to myself, Im sooo feeling like I made a wrong turn in my life right now. A turn that seemed wrong and at the same time was very good for my spirit.
I feel a new me has arrived
A more mature me
I like this ME because she's patient and knows what life has to offer.
Shes focused on the important things in life
She's signed up for school!!! Yesss!!! Finally!!!
Im realizing what it is I have to do and I love it!

But...

The wrong turn was coming here with the notion that my life and the kids lives would be better off.
When I finally woke up out my "self revelation" doze, I looked around me and saw that if you already have the financial backing and/or have dream for something artistic or even business wise,other than that..Atlanta is NOT for YOU *I fall into OTHER*
I looked into the education and I see that they hold their students back.
Now Im not one to gloat, but, my son is very sharp at the age of 3, people dont believe me when I say he is 3 yrs old b/c he can hold a full conversation with you and a few days later remember that EXACT conversation, sh*t he'll tell you something you said and you have no recollection of it at all. Boy'll have you going "Ooooh, I DID say that huh?"
Anyways, I found out that some counties start their children in pre-K at the age of 5 YEARS OLD!!
ARE YOU SH*TTIN' ME?!?!
5 YEARS OLD?!?!
My son can start Kindergarten NOW!! And pass with FLYIN' FUGGIN COLORS!!!
That right there was enough for me to go home, pack my ish and be on the NEXT THANG SMOKIN' back to Ct.
I even looked at the tallying of education all over America and Georgia is quite low.
I cant do that to my babies, if Shamarr is this smart now, imagine what when he gets older AND what I'll go through with Braylon.
That just makes me sick to my stomach, it makes me feel Georgia WANTS people to NOT succeed so they ENSURE your lack of development.
Now, thats not to say that the people here are dumb, thats not where Im leading this post AT ALL.
Its to say that Georgia is not what it used to be.
Its for folk that want to party away and for folk that have the duckets to do what they please.
So if you are well off and love ATL by all means, do you.
As for me??
Im headed back North.

Lata Lovelys!!


****Sidebar these are MY thoughts in MY blog..you Georgia bred?? you dont like it?? THEN JUST BEAT IT BEAT BEAT IT BEAT IT!! Aight?? Aight****

Onto Other Things

WORDS CANT EXPRESS
Ms Chriette MIchelle

Ok I know I was a bit much below this post...

But Im onto something very important to me...good music.
Im a "music I can feel" type of person *but when Im drunk I'll ULLLL with best of them*
And I am a firm believer that music is at an all time low, just giving ANYBODY a deal.
I feel it isnt what it used to be...AT ALL.
Enter...Ms Chrisette Michelle...and I feel cool refreshing air all through my soul!!!
*enhales deeply*
Im so overjoyed to have her in my life!!! *a bit much...eh..I think not...my music lovers feel me*
She is in my current playlist ENDLESSLY!!
Play on Chrisette!!

blank stare AT Y'ALL

OK...Y'ALL KNOW I LOVE Y'ALL RIGHT??

BUT...UMMM...

DID ANYONE NOTICE THE POST BELOW MS AGUILERA???



JUST WONDERING

THE TRUTH!!!

I simply adore this lil' lady here!!! I have been KILLIN' her album since it came out!! And I am nowhere near tired of it *shit..one of her songs is stuck in my head as we speak from killin' it all day..lol*
Her voice amazes me.
She used to get on my nerve but as the years went by and I saw her grow as an artist and woman she gained my respect from all angles.
She is who she is and I love it.
Her confidence is obvious when she performs..she works the HELL out of the stage!!
Truly an awesome entertainer.
I just thought Id show my gurl here some love.
What can I say??
She's the truth.

whats on my mind

Hey guys, sorry I've been so lack-luster with my posting. I cant seem to get my mind right on a few things. Im a bit stressed and Im the type that refuses to give in to whatever is stressing me so I go into my shell and remain there until I can pull it together. Things regarding my move here to GA and the fact that I am feeling a bit discouraged about living here. Finances are not what they need to be to just pack up and go home. I've been getting ALOT of help from my Mom and I couldnt thank her enough. K.D understands that a lot of my feelings where stress related and I just felt he wasnt there the way I needed him to be (Im spoiled y'all..he did it) But my heart hurts at the fact that I made this MAJOR move and things are making me feel like I need to get home ASAP!. The education down here SUCKS!! And my son is very intelligent , that puts fear in my heart that this state WANTS children to regress!! Are you f*ken kidding me?!!? Aww hell no!! Im not having that AT ALL. My mother and I were online and she was on this website that had all the states schooling by grades and GA had a damn D!!! CT had an A- for private and B+ for public. So basically people I was better off staying where I am from.
I now realize that yeah it is cheaper to live her but you sooo pay for it with the MAJOR pay cut you receive and it sucks soo bad. Im not used to this and I can no longer deal with it. Its lowering my spirit the way I was feeling when I decided to leave. I literally feel like blowing a "j" and saying f*ck it, but I WONT I love my babies too much to give up.
I start school in 2 weeks and cant friggin wait!! I see my babies at the end that this journey and a life my mom wasnt able to give us because she didnt have the resources that I have to take advantage of.
This post was going to be about me and my relationship because this move is truly going to test our strength. My baby has NEVER lived anywhere else and he also has to change his profession for a short while sowe can get things together to get the hell out of here!!
I was nervous that he would chastise me for deciding to move back basically 5 mths after he got here. But he didnt, he actually understood that I had to find out for myself and now that I have he is more than willing to get away for a bit as well and get our minds clear and ready to completely devote ourselves to creating the life we didnt have for our boys.
He's getting his GED (thats the test he is going for) and I am proud of him. He has had it rough without having someone to guide him. He has made some silly mistakes, but somehow still remained from going down that path leading him to a dead end. He turned to barbering and realized he wasnt that type of guy, he has so much potential for greatness and I think thats what keeps me going with him. I want him to see how great he his and instill that greatness in our boys.
He will be here very soon and I cant wait. I never looked at our relationship as long distance, I dont know why because that is basically what it became since we left. He has never given me a reason to not trust him so I have no idea why I started buggin' for a hot second, like I said he has me rotten with his attention he's never been the "lovey dovey" type but I have ALWAYS had his full attention.

Ummm...this post turned into something else but whatever...lol.

Im looking forward to busting these next 6 months out..I gotta get outta here before I lose it!!

Thank you all for your kind words and making me feel a bit better.

Peace Until...

Was I Buggin

Huh??

Hey people.
Im so grateful for all of your patience.
I know I havent been commenting in a few days.
Im back now and feelin' a bit better.

My problem was K.D. *as usual*

It seemed he was being a bit odd.
We werent talkin' much and every time we DID talk he had to call me back but wouldnt and that was causing some conflict within my spirit.
Then I went through a period when no one at all was answering the phone at the B-Shop.
So I was like WTF is goin' on??
We NEVER not speak for more than 1 day.
And I know I sound petty, but, y'all, we are 1000 miles away from each other.
1 day to not speak is enough, No?
But goin' on 6 fkn days is a bit excessive, yeah?
Shit, I think so.
And 5 maybe 10 min phone calls dont do it for me, I call that NOT speaking and is included with my 6 day count.
I do understand he IS studying for his test on the 2nd of Feb.
No matter what he says I KNOW the fact that he is gettin' nervous b/c this will be his 3rd try could be the reason.
But me and my "female" thinking would LIKE to believe all the positive energy I called myself sending him would be of service.
Guess not.
I have to laugh b/c I sometimes think Im giving excuses.
I had that twinge that only my females know about.
That "The fuck am I feelin' a lil shaky w/ this funny feelin' in my stomach for?" feelin'
Waking up 3:30 in the morning with YOU on my mind *and i wasnt thinking about fkn* feelin'
That think of your name and my stomach flips feelin'

Was I buggin???

But, I sat here and I thought to myself.
Would I be losing a good thing? Or would HE?
I vouch for HE.
Call me conceited, a bit cocky, what the fug ever.
I'd prefer confident...lol.
But Im not an unattractive lady.
I pride myself with having good ass genes
And a damn good personality and sense of self
A damn good mother to YOUR 2 boys




So..with that said.
Me and my fine ass will find someone rather quickly IF and only IF thats where he wants to take it.
But I guess he was just focused on his studies and I'll go back to being my positive self.

I cant sit here and be a child about things.
Ive been doing well with containing myself and not "creating drama"
I do love the damn fool and dont want things to go south because of bull.

We were doing so well and I was finally letting that guard I put up down so he could see the REAL me.
I wasnt doing anything I used to do.
I love him y'all
I really do
And I want to make it work

I'll be patient and wont over react

Sooo...with that....

IM BACK BIIIZZZNNITCHES!!!!!

odd feeling

I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that i cant explain.
Ive been feeling like this since I got home tonight from washing clothes.
I dont know whats wrong guys.
I feel sad for some odd reason.
Ima take a few days off and get my emotions in check.
Love Y'all.

-Leese

feeling stronger...my babies

YOU AND I
WILL NEVER FALL APART



(my babe HATES this flick..he thinks he looks like a sad puppy..i think he looks as "nice" as we were that nite)

Cancer Man and Libra Woman This match has as many chances of working as of not-working. The initial start will be very good, the main problem will come in making it work, on a much more permanent basis. One of the areas where differences will crop up is the money department, he loves to save and she loves to shop. He is much more practical and sensible than she is. Infact, she is more carefree about life and likes to take each day as it comes. He may at times not express his feelings fully, which will frustrate her very much. The best way to make this match work is by conversing.



This freaks me out how accurate it is!!
This is K.D and I to the 10th power!!! I am soooo the frivolous shopper and he is the responsible spender.
My better half.
This is why i feel we just might have a chance...we balance eachother out.
Just when I thought we were done and had absolutely nothing in common. We shocked one another and have been closer than ever.
I can TALK to him now without feeling like Im talking to my self or talking to someone who doesnt care rather.
Im proud of where we are in this short period of time.
We are eachothers strength and I realize NOW that I am who I am today because HE made me look at myself.
I love him for that.
Im so happy we are making it work.


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NEW PICS OF THE KIDDIES!!!