mama,i still wanna sing.

im sitting here surfing the web..looking for furniture for the new place and listening to stevie wonder..one of my fav songs of his would be "ribbon in the sky". for as long as i can remember, my mother had alot to do with that..she told me long ago that whenever she was to marry she wanted me to sing that song..i was younger then and i made it my business to learn it word for word rift for rift note for note *you get my point*.
ive always adored music and singing so much..but for some odd reason i was terribly shy..id literally have my little brother *who couldnt and still cant sing a lick*stand with me and id sing..i soon realized that if this is something i wanted to do..he couldnt stand by my side the entire time..so i let fear set in and i muffled my dreams.
i get angry with myself when i see people doing what i have dreamed of for so long..i used to feel like my dreams are over because instead of pursuing them i became a mom. but then a voice says to me "you can do whatever whenever" and it eases that dreadgul dead dream feeling.
needless to say..i still want to share my voice and gifts God has given me..no matter how he wants me to do it...my aunt *shes kind of the family wierdo..lol* has said to me repeatedly that im not going to do the music I wanna do *r&b and whatnot* but ill get into gospel..i dont care as long as im fulfilling my desire to sing and release.
thats what music of all kinds do for me..i have my personal opinion of my ex-idol yolanda adams but i still looooove her first album "through the storm" i cant get through one of those songs without filling up with so much emotion..that tells me the gift i have received is so powerful and is definitely connected to my emotions.
i really want to do something..eventually..music is my drug and when i cant release a note or two i feel confined..its weird..cant really explain it.

*mmm...just switched into some maxwell..soo soothing*