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im talking to K.D on the phone last night and all was well until he called his mother a lazy ass. now...ive had my problems with his mom no doubt...but her and i talked it out before i left for Ga and let it rest..so no drama between her and i. she has been battling a drug habit for a very long time and ive been around 5 yrs and have watched her try to quit go to program after program and relapse after relapse. i think by now im in the loop of when shes bullishin and when shes for real. this time y'all i feel real good about it. its just something about her now..she calls me and checks on her grandson and her due soon grandson *she NEVER did that prior*..shes in church most of the week...if not at church at her moms house..shes driving again..her daughters come and hang out with her...her sisters see about her instead of judging her..she got married this past Sept to a good christian man that keeps her leveled and in church...her bills are paid..she doesnt ask K.D for money AT ALL *i asked him*
so...why would K.D be an ASS about one simple thing she didnt do..something he couldve done himself being that he IS 27 yrs old?? it baffles me..so..i called my "rock" my grandmother who was an alcoholic and got clean way before i was born. she told me the reason he is being this way is because he isnt used to having such an independent mom and hes used to her relapsing. bascially hes in recovery too and doesnt quite know how to welcome this new woman God is working on.
i got pissed at him last night and seriously had to hang up with him before it got too out of hand...its like she cant do right..she gets high..shes a "crackhead b*tch and a lazy ass and a no good mother/grandmother"..she not getting high..shes still a lazy ass...people,ive witnessed all of this..i understand the anger i just dont understand the disrespect. i guess being that i didnt have to live through it i wouldnt know..but it pains me to see her actually trying this time and God opening soo many doors that wasnt available to her when HE knew she wasnt ready for it..im happy for her and proud and am wishing her the best in her recovery.
but....
how do i get K.D to see his "new mother"??
how do i get him to open his mind to actually building a mother/son relationship with her??
how do i get him to drop the disrespect??
because if he doesnt respect her...ladies and gentlemen...he wont respect me.
real talk
peace until.....
9 People Had To Say....:
Like the new settup! Colory! Lol.
Yeah I don't think you can really do anything but question why he says these things about his mom. You can't get mad, that will only make him think you're picking sides. Just make him question why he feels that way.
Unfortunately, I think there's very little [if anything at all], you can do to change the way KD see's his mother.
Your post reads a lot like he has some pent up resentment towards his mother and until he's able to let go of it, he's not going to see or respect the fact that she's not the person she used to be...she's not into the things she once was.
Hope he comes around...and that things work out for the best.
Diggin' the new look by the way :-)
you guys are so right..thanx a bunch..he and his siblings have some "recovering" to do and all i can be is a shoulder and an ear..i understand that.
I agree with MsB...you can't do anything at this point. I know a lot of women (myself at one point as well) believe that unless a man respects his mother he wont respect women in general, but I don't believe that. As long as he has positive women in his life (aunts, grandmothers, etc.) the same does not hold true. Even if he doesn't, there are still exceptions to the rule.
I agree he has some "recovering" to do and it will take time.
Thanx OpinionatedD.
I'm new...just started to lurk, but had to say something.
He's upset that his mother didn't give him an average child's upbringing, nor does he understand how she got on it and what kind of ride it's taken her on throughout the years. She had alot of Giants, but she's taking them down, one by one.
Somewhere in his childhood, he heard others putting her down, and thought he should do the same. Plus he's embarassed.
One of my closest friends' mother is a recovering addict. Even tho I didn't have the best relationship with my own mother, it use to pain me to hear her go off on her mother, and swing on her mom like she was her nemesis or something.
A mutual friend and I suggested that she sit in on a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, or the group for the family members effected by addicts, if they allowed her. She learned how hard it was for her mother, just listening to everyone else's stories.
You know what? I agree with you 100 percent when you say if he won't respect his mother, he won't respect you because most of the time when men have warped views of women, you sometimes gotta go back to THEIR mothers, u feel me?
But in regards to your question, I don't think that you really can do much about the way that he FEELS about his mother. He's probably resented her for so long for her drug-habit and failed attempts to quit, that it overshadows the fact that she's improving and actually doing good. So in essence, anything that she does and messes up, she'll be under some serious scrutiny! I'd just respond to his negativity with positive remarks and maybe on your part, he may step back and try to see what you see in your mother and he could possibly start to see his mother in a new light like you. I'll be prayin' fa ya! much love.
thank you harpo and diva...i totally agree..we spoke about it a few nights ago and i apologized for getting so upset with HIM because i was just triggered by my fear of him living in my home and raising OUR sons to be so harsh towards their mother...i respect his pain and anger,im just trying to be there for him and give him a positve outlet to get get it off his chest...maybe coming down here to GA will help clear his mind as well as the way he feels towards her*crossing my fingers* i really want him to see what it is like to adore your mother..he knows i idolize mine.
both of your opinions are truly appreciated and more than welcome to return..thanx ladies!!!
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