Feeling Excited About my Revealation

No...im not gleefully cheesing because of the food behind me..lol..im feeling this way because ive been thinking. ive been in a pretty jacked situation since May of this year and i havent allowed myself to revel in it. im not one of those people that look at the spot in life they are in and get all mizzy about it. im the type of person who realizes what parts where my fault...and in this case it was all my fault and it was also God calling to me.
i was doing silly stuff...not so much partying b/c no matter what i part took in my son was always on my mind and number 1..but id smoke alot of weed when i say alot i mean alot...i looked at it as my escape. i was trying to not think of my unhappiness so id roll it up and blow it away. but all the while i heard this voice constantly telling me "youre ruining the voice i gave you...your mother is going to smell it shes not dumb...or...what are you doing? this isnt you why are you doing this to yourself?..i thought GA and school where next on your list?? not being a weedhead" and boom..i was pregnant..i didnt know what to do. should i abort it?? i sat in that office with this huge weight of guilt on my shoulders...they called my name..i go back there but i didnt have all the m0ney so i turned right back around got in the car and went home feeling somewhat releaved *that voice agian* "thats not what you wanted to do anyway...ive instilled in you something more...now run with it instead of trying to run away...thats not how i made you"
that voice started to make sense of who it was to me...it was God..he knew i didnt know how to stop the habit i created so he put another child in me to stop me..thats the only way i would. once i knew i was pregnant and it was to stay...my sessions stopped,my eyes opened,and i was packed and on a bus to GA by the end of August.
my point is..i have alot to be happy about because God really knows what hes doing...had he not chosen me to give birth again id still be workin at Masonic not really liking that place and smoking my brain cells away to try and forget the misery i was feeling.
now..i feel good *even though im broke and basically starting from scratch* i feel like if this is what it took for him to open my eyes and see what i was doing...then fine..im learning to budget money..im learning i can buy that new album later off itunes..when my funds are sufficient and says i can do so..now..im living for 2 human beings who will change my world and its totally up to me to change theirs and give them the life my mom wanted for my brother and me.
im so focused right now and i refuse to let anything or anyone detour me...not happening. i thank God for giving me the spirit he has..an undefeated spirit..cuz i wont be defeated.