Friday Fun

Here is my VERY OWN list of sexy men..i didnt feel like ranking them so its in random form. Trust....




They are SEXXXY..a couple geeks but hey they cuties..



COMMON



I KNOW IVE MENTIONED HIM A TIME BEFORE..I JUST CANT GET ENOUGH OF A MAN WHO IS AWESOME WITH WORDS. IT JUST DOES SOMETHING TO ME



ANDRE 3000



THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BROTHAHS ACCEPTANCE OF HIMSELF AND HIS "DARE TO BE DIFFERENT" ATTITUDE THAT OOZES SEXXX APPEAL. HE IS ALSO ANOTHER WHOSE WORDS ARE AMAZING AND DEFINITELY THE TRUTH.





BORIS KODJOE



NEED I SAY MORE LADIES?? THIS BRAUN SUBJECT OF MAN IS JUST..MMMM...THATS IT..MMMM





MAXWELL




AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT WANTS THIS MAN TO COME AND SING EVERY SONG HE HAS EVER WRITTEN TO ME IN A PRIVATE ROOM WITH NICE LIGHTING AND SOME FINE CHAMPAGNE...LET LOOSE ON HIS BEHIND FA' SHO'!!




MEL JACKSON





REMEMBER HIM FROM "SOUL FOOD" AND A NUMBER OF OTHER MOVIES?? IM USUALLY A CHOCO-HOLIC WHEN IT COMES TO MEN BUT I KNOW A FINE ONE WHEN I SEE EM'..LADIES..THOSE LIPS!!!




DIJIMON




IS IT BECAUSE IVE DATED AN AFRICAN?? I DONT KNOW..BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MANS DEMEANOR JUST OOZES SOMETHING MANLY AND SEXY...THAT SKIN..HAS ANYONE SEEN AMISTAD?? HE SURE WILL HAVE MY ASS SCREAMIN GIVE US FREE!!!



MICHAEL EALY


THIS MANS EYES ARE LIKE THE OCEAN...ID LOVE TO STARE INTO THOSE EYES.



LUPE FIASCO


ITS SOMETHING ABOUT HIM..MAYBE THE YOUNGSTER IN ME KNOWS ID DATE HIM...IVE LISTENED TO A COUPLE OF HIS INTERVIEWS AND IM FEELING HIS SWAG AND HIS LOVE/STYLE OF HIP-HOP.



IDRIS ELBA



HE WILL NOT BE LEFT OUT OF MY LIST..HE IS SEXY IN THAT "GROWN ASS MAN" WAY.




TYRESE



I GOTTA HAVE MY CHOCOLATE..TYRESE IS A FINE BROTHAH..DRAMA FILLED OR NOT..ID HIT IT..LOL






WELL...THERES MY LIST..HOPE YOU ENJOY AND IM SURE I GOT SOME HEAD NODS AND SOME "OOO YES GURLS".

PEACE UNTIL..........

Me being me

Some random rants of mine


where to start.....

- i barely hear from you since i left Ct

-i text you..you dont text back..but so much of that i will do

-Im the pregnant one..why am I checking up on you..something in this picture just aint right..my own stupidity i guess

-being that we havent spoken in a while..wtf gives YOU a right to judge a situation between ME and MINE?! when you havent the SLIGHTEST idea as to whats going on.

-ME and MINE have our plans set straight..your uninformed opinion..not needed

-i want to believe its coming from a "sistah gurl" place..but something in my bones is telling me its coming from a "shut the fuck up..you dont know what youre talking about"...place


-wait..did I tell you something i dont remember..nah..i dont think so

-im so disappointed in you i dont know what to think right now

-i wanna call..but i know im still pissed..so ima chill until my mind is clear

-is this coming from the same chick who "didnt give a fuck" about her man possibly giving whats supposed to be hers away???

-and as i recall..I didnt put your business on blast to ANYONE!!

-why call someone else with a concern for ME?!?! im not a crackhead..talking to me will do you fine luv.

-did you really have it in your head that this person wouldnt call me immediately after you caught diarrhea of the mouth??

-i have no patience for people that speak before they know whats really going on

-im still in disbelief that it came from YOU

-Trust me luv...i got this over here..you worry about "mr sensitive in need of affection" slipping whats supposed to be YOURS up in anything cuz hes "lonely" and ill handle mine..ok?? Get it..Got it...Good

-so what i told you how much money i had to buy my son a new game system..that doesnt mean $20 of it goes to yo broke ass..HAHAHA..i think NOT!!

-Whoo!! that last one was too funny!!

-hold up..is it my fault youre broke and youre girl dont want you?? get that together bruh.

-my dude..dont you see this man very obviously flirting with your girl and youre standing right here?? Oh..is that the reason you cheat on her?? Mmkay *giggles to oneself*

-please dont call me with your drama..and i damn is it just that..ive got a lot going on here and i dont have time to be a savior..sorry luv

-did it really take you that long to get to the point of this call?? im hearing crickets as you speak..GET TO THE POINT!!!

-from my view..you seem to get involved with some shady ass dudes..when will you learn??

-DAYUUUM t-mobile!!! im only 1 day late...GEEZ!!

-WTF Disney?!?! why do you have all these non sangin children up here making peoples ears bleed?!?! they all are not triple threats...*shoutout to my son for being the reason i have to hear these ear disasters*

-i swear..all i need is my back blown out and im good..real talk

-Damn Keebler elves for making these blazin ass shortbread cookies *if you dont know now ya know know know know*

-and a quick chuckle at my stalking son everytime he sees me with one..lol..hes too funny and greedy.

-Mmm...the flower on a birthday cake.

-damn i need some mind blowing sex..*crown royal on iiiiicce*

peace until....

K.D and his issues

Get Funny Pictures at pYzam.com

(sorry bout the cut off pic)

im talking to K.D on the phone last night and all was well until he called his mother a lazy ass. now...ive had my problems with his mom no doubt...but her and i talked it out before i left for Ga and let it rest..so no drama between her and i. she has been battling a drug habit for a very long time and ive been around 5 yrs and have watched her try to quit go to program after program and relapse after relapse. i think by now im in the loop of when shes bullishin and when shes for real. this time y'all i feel real good about it. its just something about her now..she calls me and checks on her grandson and her due soon grandson *she NEVER did that prior*..shes in church most of the week...if not at church at her moms house..shes driving again..her daughters come and hang out with her...her sisters see about her instead of judging her..she got married this past Sept to a good christian man that keeps her leveled and in church...her bills are paid..she doesnt ask K.D for money AT ALL *i asked him*

so...why would K.D be an ASS about one simple thing she didnt do..something he couldve done himself being that he IS 27 yrs old?? it baffles me..so..i called my "rock" my grandmother who was an alcoholic and got clean way before i was born. she told me the reason he is being this way is because he isnt used to having such an independent mom and hes used to her relapsing. bascially hes in recovery too and doesnt quite know how to welcome this new woman God is working on.

i got pissed at him last night and seriously had to hang up with him before it got too out of hand...its like she cant do right..she gets high..shes a "crackhead b*tch and a lazy ass and a no good mother/grandmother"..she not getting high..shes still a lazy ass...people,ive witnessed all of this..i understand the anger i just dont understand the disrespect. i guess being that i didnt have to live through it i wouldnt know..but it pains me to see her actually trying this time and God opening soo many doors that wasnt available to her when HE knew she wasnt ready for it..im happy for her and proud and am wishing her the best in her recovery.

but....

how do i get K.D to see his "new mother"??

how do i get him to open his mind to actually building a mother/son relationship with her??

how do i get him to drop the disrespect??

because if he doesnt respect her...ladies and gentlemen...he wont respect me.

real talk

peace until.....

some thoughts

wow..i have nothing to rant and rave about. everything is pretty good these days..so can i type about being happy?? lol..i guess i can. things are pretty decent..no bull ish going on in the home...K.D is super excited to get here *cant get none..ima be cut open then stapled shut and on cloud 9 from percocets* so i guess its a good thing hes excited to see his kids and myself..lol..and i miss my mom soo much.

speaking of my mom..i am super proud of this woman..she called this morning and told me she started her Masters program..here i am thinking she was doing that in Jan she springs she started it already!! im so inspired by her..she is truly my hero and an exceptional woman...she has taught me that it is NEVER too late to do what you desire in life..but she does stress to me that she wants me to go soon after Braylon is born and trust me..i have every plan and intention to adhere to what my mama says...she doesnt want me to wait as long as she did.

im 23 and i really see how many sacrifices my mom has had to make to provide for myself and my brother..she is amazing and i have this new found respect for her..ive noticed that me becoming a mother has brought her and i even closer..i learn from her and i really pay attention to the things she says and mistakes she tells me she has made. when K.D was acting stupid it was my mom who helped me stay strong for lil mar and keep focus of why i was doing the things i was..im trying to NOT be one of those women playing the back and forth game with an idiot and in the meantime hurting her children by exposing them to dysfunction..i just so happened to luck out and he started seeing things my way..i guess distance does make the heart grow fonder or makes the blind see..lol..which ever..im just glad he started to see things the way i was..my mom is my queen i love her and have so much respect for her..shes amazing.

i love and adore you mommy.

13 days til me amd my family welcome our little Braylon James!! im soo excited to not be pregnant ever again!!!

SHOTS OF PATRON BAAABEEEE!!!!!

So?? Is everyone fat and full and still in need of leftovers?

i ate well...im at the point in pregnancy where food isnt all that...dropping this load is my main priority..lol..im more than ready!! but ill chill and just relax these next 17 days..i have no desire to move or go anywhere.
i was going to hit the stores this morning and get good prices on some items for mar and the new one *he already has a name for those who dont know..its Braylon James*...but instead i went the day before thanksgiving because i was in no mood to deal with people and their foolishness on black friday. i got what i needed for both children and im happy so thats all that matters.

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Can i just give one of my muscial mentors some praise real quick?? jill scott...do i need to say anymore?? im going to anyway...from the moment ive heard this womans voice i was hooked!! im listening to her latest and it just seems like she cant get any better...shes amazing!! this album is definitely a hit as well as that "i just want to make love and be sexxy" type of album. K.D laughs at how much i idolize this woman..but can you blame me?? shes awesome!! truly a beautifully talented woman that exudes natural beauty and sexiness. lord let me stop sounding like i have a lesbian crush on jill...lol..i just appreciate TRUE talent..music that makes you feel every instrument and note and lyric. when im lost as to what i want to say in writing at times to K.D *i used to just write lil things to him to make him feel ME and how i was feeling at times* id sit and listen to jill and get that inspiration of love she gave in her first album..you felt how much love she felt for her now ex-husband on "Lyzell in E-Flat"..i still cant get enough of that song..shoot..that album..dammit..ALL her albums...lol.

listening to this latest one...some songs remind me of how i much i miss K.D and the time is right around the corner to his arrival...this album is sexual,beautiful, and has so much truth in about troubled relationships as well...highly recommended to all that havent had the change to experience it yet.

Love You Jill...keep it coming.

A question i wanna know from you all...who totally amazes you with their level of talent?? it can be anyone..whoever inspires you.

peace until.....

ENJOY!!!

HAVE A BLESSED DAY EVERYONE...WE ALL HAVE GREAT THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR!!

Eeeek!

Went to the doc today thinking all was well in my pregnant world..wrong..she tells me im "soft" **that means your cervix and birth canal is getting ready for birth** now those of you that have been with me from the start..i am to have another c-section...never had a vaginal birth. so my doc is like i need to REALLY chill out these next 3 weeks and remain stress free, no cleaning nor too much moving..blah blah blah...i am NOT to labor at all what so ever. im a bit concerned because i dont want my new little one to come into this world and my mom nor his dad havent made it down just yet. they will be here the 7th of December...the fact that im waiting on K.D to send me the money so i may hit the stores and get a bassinet along with other items the baby needs is killing me as well as the fact that the car seat is coming when they come because its been at K.D's simce shamarr grew out of it **good thing we kept it..huh??** his silly behind was supposed to go this morning and put it in my account..he has til tomorrow before i get impatient..hes good with stuff like this so when he hasnt made it i know theres a legitimate reason. 0 stress remember??





anyhoo...wanna know something else i have zero tolerance for?? True ghetto folk!! i cant stand when people feel the dying need to show where they are from no matter where they are..they lack the time and place factor in their brain.
im in the doc office today and of course would be accompanied by 2 ghetto..and when i say ghetto i mean EXTREMELY GHETTO ..cussing in the waiting area...talking about smoking weed before they got there **one is pregnant..due in 2 weeks..yes...told all her business**..coughing up phlem and instead of excusing herself decides to ask through the phlem "wheres the bathroom?" **gross..i know**...laughing loud..talking loud **i couldnt hear my aunt who was trying her damnest to talk my ear off..guees i should thank the hood rats for that one..lol**.
i just dont understand people that act that way...maybe because my mother uprooted us out of the projects at the tender ages of 4 and 1...im glad she did or i might have ended up like Sha-naynay and Asheekahshay...i wish they could see themselves in a clearer light..so unlady like

**Shaking my head** *Deep Sigh*

Just Bloggin...

Ok...its a known fact to those who know me i am a fan of beyonce, i have the utmost respect for her level of work ethic and ability to somehow someway always deliver an awesome performance...but...WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LAST NIGHT AT THE AMA's?? Once again..i love and respect all genres of music but sometimes it just dont work when blending 2 together...hence this performance being sure proof of that...i really wanted my girl to trip or fall off the stage to detour our attention to another plunge down some stairs rather than this "challenged" performance. What was Ne-Yo thinking giving rights to Mr Knowles to go out and do foolishness with it?!?! i will never look at "Irreplaceable" the same....EVER!! It was funny beyond belief!!!


On to important things...
*real quick..im not too keen on constantly hitting your child..but i think my son is testing me and im about to get in his ass as we speak..hes been doing this for a while and im ready to turn his brown ass red*

*Ahem*...now..

i was trying to say that im starting to get a little worried about the huge transition i am about to place my son in.
i baby-sat for my cousins 10 mth-old daughter this past Saturday *my Nani-pooh so cute!* everything was fine..mar played with her and helped me take care of her and what have you..until...nani was getting tired and she is still at that age where she wants to be held while she tries to sleep. all hell broke loose...shamarr started kicking the bed,crying real tears,and throwing tantrums. i automatically felt that twinge in my heart asking me "is this the way he is going to act once the new baby arrives?" the boy asked me to put Nani on the floor...he was dead serious...lol...so..i layed her down **on the bed!!my son doesnt have THAT much control over me..lol** took him into my arms and asked was this how hed act when his brother arrived?? would you believe my recently 3 yr old answered me "yes"..i was taken back..i mean..i cant blame him for his honesty..lol..but my goodness!! hes a trip. im hoping with my mom being here for the month of december it will be of help and get him flowing pretty decent with this change...im hoping it goes smoothly **crossing fingers,toes,legs,and anything else i can cross..lol**

ive been thinking...had i gone through with aborting this child im carrying...i wouldnt be making the changes ive started making baby steps toward...maybe i should say huge steps because the first step was leaving Ct **i still look around when im out and about Ga and think to myself "damn..i really left..im here now"**


woow..i have 3 more weeks...i cant wait..tomorrow is my doc appointment and i was looking to go get the kids some things **old navy has some cute ass things for my boys right now...definitely hitting them up**


hmmm...getting kind of tired of typing.

peace until.....

keeping my cool & Fill In The Blank Friday....

before i have some fun with filling in the blanks..lemme just say that we havent been in this complex a full month yet and im starting to see why so many people have decided to leave shortly after they moved in.

ok..im sitting at the computer,chilling,enjoying the morning to myself before my 3 yr old wakes up and i see something to my left moving around where our trash is outside...i get up and look and its a cat *ok i dont like cats..they freak me out and this one had the audacity to be eating my damn trash* i try to scare the little asshole and it didnt budge *which made opening the door to scare it away out of the damn question*...somehow i get distracted to the right and i see 2 unfamiliar bags from the damn goodwill *real quick people..i dont even know where ANY goodwill in Ga is located let alone the one in my town* and its obviously not mine!! im aggy right about now because who does stuff like that?? that little area is OUR area and i refuse to put anyone elses trash away!! HELL NO!!
so needless to say my brother took OUR trash out and put whoever the unknown trash belonged to in the middle of the walk for them to recognize and pick the hell up before i have to be on watch and get ignant!!!

*deep breathe in..aaaand..one out...okaaaaay*

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Now onto something i feel like doing...im cool with being tagged and placing fun things fellow bloggers have you do on my blog so you will get a lil feel of Ms Leesie..lol..cute i know.

Fill In The Blank Friday


1)I have zero tolerance for.... Needy people,ignorance, and low self esteem *i have a friend like that and it annoys me to my core*


2) Two sentences i've said in my lifetime that i wish i could take back are..."you aint shit and youll never be shit" and "your adopted..we found you on the street"


3) The thing I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT Thanksgiving is...grocery shopping everything is GONE!!


4) Extreme attraction ..is one thing i can admit I miss about my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.


5) Using one word to describe my last telephone conversation,id have to say it was... quick


6)My wardrobe...needs revamping


7)ready,horny,bored,anxious...are words that describe how/what im feeling at current


8) Judging from my life as it is RIGHT NOW, if i were to die tomorrow i'd regret that i didnt...pass without fully forgiving those who have hurt me


9) To date, i have broken maybe 1 heart.


10) The last big ticket item i purchased was Ringling Bro Circus for my son


11) Three things i likely wouldnt do on a first date are...give up my goodies,say i love you,get too drunk,


12) Self-pity..is something i just cant undrstand.


13) The fondest memory i have of my childhood is...family reunions, we had a lot of fun back in the day.


14) I think my patience could use some improvement.


15) In a heated argument I am most likely to..go for the jugular, i am very likely to cause pain with my tounge.


16) These fill-in(s) are...quite strenuous, trying to think of so many things can cause a brain-fart


Alright..my brain is officially buzzing..i need a break.

peace until next time!!

*heehee* ive been tagged!

ok..this is a first for me..being tagged by a new blog buddy *shout out ms behavin* and i think im ready to have my "meme from another blogger cherry" popped..y'all ready?? here we go:

Four things i like to cook:


baked mac and cheese *Gma from Mobile Alabama style*
fried chicken
baked ziti
homemade french toast *for K.D he loves it*

Four qualities I love in people"


A good listener
Awesome sense of humor *gotta crack me up*
honesty
loyalty

Four places ive been:


*havent traveled the way id like to before i leave this earth but..*
Atl,Ga
Couple parts,AL
Orlando,Fl
Different parts,Va

Four things in my bedroom:


My bed
my journals *should i share that?*
my t.v.
my "toys" *heehee*

Four dirty words i like:


*to hear K.D say or...*
sex talk *put your own caption on that*
What the F*ck?!
Are you sh*tting me?!?
Shut the f*ck up!!
*pretty much the "f" word..which i need to stop before my lil one picks it up*


...now..im assuming she meant her tagged folk to do all of the meme's on her page so...

7 things about Alyse...hmmm...

- i am used to sex on the regular...mad at you or not..i gots to get mine.

- i love to put my own twist on male songs..i create my own version *ive never admitted that..lol*

- i have a fear of roaches and mice and any insect or rodent...i run from them while they are running from me

- one of my fears is failing as a mother and my kids dont go to college and make excellent men out of themselves *WHOO!! that just gave me a shiver*

- i really enjoy singing and was on my way to pursuing it when i found out i was pregnant again..i was looking for vocal coaches and everything.

- i love furniture shopping!! its so much fun!!

- i have a hard time getting over things *k.d's sister has disrespected me many times and i still envision beating her over the head with a blunt object..but ive taken the mature way out...left the damn state..lol*

alrighty...may have been a lil whack but it will get better trust me!!

be back later!!

apartment woes

(Lord help me face)

-why is it 12:10 a.m. and foolish people are literally stomping over my head!!!!

-really...must i hear your love for john legend early in the morning??

-do you realize you dont own your apartment and people live under,on the side and around you???

-invest in a house and you may party like a rock star all you want...for real

-are you home??? why are your children running a muck like its a playground up there?? tame they asses will you!!

-do i need to hook our stereo system up..get ghetto and blast YOUR ass out of comfort??? for real?? shall we go there??

-do your kids attend school?? the way they jump and jive around they sound big as hell!!

-make me get old school and bang my broom on my ceiling to see if you catch my drift.

-y'all better calm this ish down and get it out your system before my newborn gets here...cuz it will be ON if you keep at this speed..i have zero tolerance for ignorance!!!

-YOU LIVE IN A COMPLEX!!!! WTH IS YOURE ISSUE?!?!?! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THE MOST CONSIDERATE PERSON AT THIS MOMENT!!!

HOOOSAAAAH....i had to release that. i have very inconsiderate upstairs neighbors that insist on letting this entire complex know what theyre doing and when theyre doing it...i have been chillen but i am close to complaining although i have this eery feeling that the people i will be complaining to might send me into labor a few weeks early...so ima chill...my newborn and my health is more important than protesting against ignorance..this complex is too nice for this mess...i mean dang...cant get away from ridiculous people no matter how hard you try.

UGH!!!

mama,i still wanna sing.

im sitting here surfing the web..looking for furniture for the new place and listening to stevie wonder..one of my fav songs of his would be "ribbon in the sky". for as long as i can remember, my mother had alot to do with that..she told me long ago that whenever she was to marry she wanted me to sing that song..i was younger then and i made it my business to learn it word for word rift for rift note for note *you get my point*.
ive always adored music and singing so much..but for some odd reason i was terribly shy..id literally have my little brother *who couldnt and still cant sing a lick*stand with me and id sing..i soon realized that if this is something i wanted to do..he couldnt stand by my side the entire time..so i let fear set in and i muffled my dreams.
i get angry with myself when i see people doing what i have dreamed of for so long..i used to feel like my dreams are over because instead of pursuing them i became a mom. but then a voice says to me "you can do whatever whenever" and it eases that dreadgul dead dream feeling.
needless to say..i still want to share my voice and gifts God has given me..no matter how he wants me to do it...my aunt *shes kind of the family wierdo..lol* has said to me repeatedly that im not going to do the music I wanna do *r&b and whatnot* but ill get into gospel..i dont care as long as im fulfilling my desire to sing and release.
thats what music of all kinds do for me..i have my personal opinion of my ex-idol yolanda adams but i still looooove her first album "through the storm" i cant get through one of those songs without filling up with so much emotion..that tells me the gift i have received is so powerful and is definitely connected to my emotions.
i really want to do something..eventually..music is my drug and when i cant release a note or two i feel confined..its weird..cant really explain it.

*mmm...just switched into some maxwell..soo soothing*

Fill In The Blank Friday

1. When it comes to matters of the heart, i have a bad habit of...giving too much of myself too soon, i give what isnt deserved way too soon.


2. If ever I were to consider getting (a)nother tatoo,the body part i would most likely put it is...somwhere on my upper back.it would be of my 2 babies handprints w/ thier names somewhere in the mix b/c i know they will always have thier mommies back..not too big though i want it classy

3.A profession (besides my current),that i would love to have is...Singer thats been my secret passion for as long as i can remember i found this tape of me when i was 8 yrs old singing "i will always love you" and it brought back so many memories of how music has made me feel and the emotion that singing has had over me from the start.

4. I am most confident in my ability to...keep positive even when the worse has emerged..i refuse to feel so down i cant get myself back up i am a firm believer that all stress and misery is self created..so is happiness..i chose happiness.


5. If I could be granted any three wishes I would ask for...my house paid off before attending school so id only have to worry about bills...school paid off..and id give the last one to my mom for whatever she wanted.


6. Two questions i would ask President Bush (if given the opportunity) are...now call me whack but ive lost all patience w/ this man and his antics so i have no idea what would come out of my mouth if he was to be in front of me...i change the channel when i see him and i may be wrong for this and should be a bit more intune b/c he has destroyed so much..but i just dont get into politics and all that..he sucks i want nothing to do with him besides waiting patiently til his term is up and we never have to deal with his slow ass again.


7. I think I have a great...sense of humor and sense of self worth.


8. The last man/woman to catch/hold my attention did so because..he had a beautiful mind,so smart and driven.

9. I certainly wouldnt mind..time to move a bit faster

Feeling Excited About my Revealation

No...im not gleefully cheesing because of the food behind me..lol..im feeling this way because ive been thinking. ive been in a pretty jacked situation since May of this year and i havent allowed myself to revel in it. im not one of those people that look at the spot in life they are in and get all mizzy about it. im the type of person who realizes what parts where my fault...and in this case it was all my fault and it was also God calling to me.
i was doing silly stuff...not so much partying b/c no matter what i part took in my son was always on my mind and number 1..but id smoke alot of weed when i say alot i mean alot...i looked at it as my escape. i was trying to not think of my unhappiness so id roll it up and blow it away. but all the while i heard this voice constantly telling me "youre ruining the voice i gave you...your mother is going to smell it shes not dumb...or...what are you doing? this isnt you why are you doing this to yourself?..i thought GA and school where next on your list?? not being a weedhead" and boom..i was pregnant..i didnt know what to do. should i abort it?? i sat in that office with this huge weight of guilt on my shoulders...they called my name..i go back there but i didnt have all the m0ney so i turned right back around got in the car and went home feeling somewhat releaved *that voice agian* "thats not what you wanted to do anyway...ive instilled in you something more...now run with it instead of trying to run away...thats not how i made you"
that voice started to make sense of who it was to me...it was God..he knew i didnt know how to stop the habit i created so he put another child in me to stop me..thats the only way i would. once i knew i was pregnant and it was to stay...my sessions stopped,my eyes opened,and i was packed and on a bus to GA by the end of August.
my point is..i have alot to be happy about because God really knows what hes doing...had he not chosen me to give birth again id still be workin at Masonic not really liking that place and smoking my brain cells away to try and forget the misery i was feeling.
now..i feel good *even though im broke and basically starting from scratch* i feel like if this is what it took for him to open my eyes and see what i was doing...then fine..im learning to budget money..im learning i can buy that new album later off itunes..when my funds are sufficient and says i can do so..now..im living for 2 human beings who will change my world and its totally up to me to change theirs and give them the life my mom wanted for my brother and me.
im so focused right now and i refuse to let anything or anyone detour me...not happening. i thank God for giving me the spirit he has..an undefeated spirit..cuz i wont be defeated.

Brightens My Day w/ the Best Smile Ever...

This is my love right here...Shamarr...i look at my son and all he has to do is smile and my day is so much brighter. he has the brightest happiest smile ive ever seen!!
Of course,as a child,he has those moments where he drives me nuts and i have to pull back from losing my God given mind,but thats all a part of motherhood and im proud to be one..im proud to have created such a beautiful being who i grow daily with so much love for him i dont know what to do but hug and kiss him because my heart is so swollen with all the love i feel for him.
i know he'll be a great big brother..im a lil nervous hes going to go through being a bit jealous because he wont have my total attention..but he will know my love for him will never ever change..he is my first born that feeling never changes..it just grows.
i remember when they took him out and i heard his first cry...i was so overjoyed i began to cry..i was so emotional and excited to get my first glance at the little being that had kept me up nights watching Nick at Night because he wanted to roll around in my belly...the little person that didnt like me to eat salami *id instantly be making a b-line for the bathroom*
i thank God i get to experience this feeling again..he must know i have alot of love to give. *i wonder if he knows 2 is good for me..i dont think i can handle as many as Gma did..she had 11...not my cup of tea thank u*

i love my son *big smile*

Cant wait to welcome his brother into this world.

goodnight folks

TMI Tuesday

1.) Do you believe in ghosrs? If so, have you ever seen one?

I believe there are unsettled spirits walking this earth...have I ever encountered any?? No...my ass would be so shook it wouldn't even be funny...lol. I believe in order to see them you have to be open to it.

2.) What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?

Ever since the age of three years old I've been terrorfied of Freddy Crugar..wanna hear a story?? Here goes...we used to live in the projects up until I was 3 or 4 yrs old. I was in my bed trying to sleep when I heard shooting outside...I got up and flew into the living room where my grandmother and my aunt stacey were watching a movie...after I told my grandmother what happened *she kinda figured what scared the hell outta me..she heard it too* I looked at the t.v and almost had a damn panic attack at 3 yrs old...I saw Freddy and his weird scary glory and hauled ass to I don't even remember where!! Ever since then I don't do scary movies at all...I would say Freddy is the scariest for me..I still won't look at his movies..*shiver*

3.) If you where given a house for free,would you accept it if it were haunted?

Ummm...hell no...I watch this show called "A Haunting" on the Discovery Channel and that doesn't seem like a good look..they are usually angry as hell about something and don't want yo ass up in there.

4.) If you where given a house for free, would you accept it if the last person who lived there had been murdered?

Once again..something Ive seen on the show...a family moved into a house where a guy was brutally murdered he was shot and set on fire. The family had a teenaged daughter who stayed in the room where the entity remained..he gained an obssession w/ the daughter and literally was trying to keep her in that house..he was doing all kinds of crazy things to the house and whatnot.The family asked for help from a priest and paranormal experts..the paranormal experts picked up on the entity saying "I want the girl" and the priest had told them it wasn't safe there....with that being said hell no!!

5.) What was your favorite costume you wore for Halloween?

When I was 4 I was a witch...I was the cutest little witch..other than that I don't part take in all that. I don't have a sexy vixen at a party story..sorry..lol

*Bonus* What's your most memorable Halloween moment?

All mine come from childhood. We had a huge party at my moms friends house b/c they lived in this old house and it had a ridiculous amount of space so they created a haunted house upstairs and party downstairs. We had a blast..I was a pirate and my brother was a prisoner..lol..cute

meme monday

I almost forgot about meme monday...

Monday Meme 41 : 2006-04-02 : Spring Forward

1. List 3 things you like about spring:

- A beautiful sunny day. There's nothing like the gentle breeze and fresh air of a s

Spring day.



- Spring wear. I love getting dressed in the Spring..everything is so colorful and lite.



And.....



- Taking walks w/ my son. Spring has wonderful weather when it is not raining..going out to the park for play and walks w/ my son is my idea of a great spring day.

2. List 3 things you hate about spring:

-Rainy days



- Allergy flares



-Spring is my fave season next to Fall...that would be all I dislike about it.

3. Do you set your clocks forward in the spring? Do you think it is a good idea?

I set it to the time its supposed to set at...I don't want to be the only one off track...lol...you're off track if you don't know what time it is...lol.

4. Do you have allergies in the spring? Do you take any allergies medications?

Lately...no..my allergies have left me alone for quite some time..but when they did flare up..oh was it ugly. I'd take Claritin, Allegra,and Flonase.

5. What are you looking forward to the most this spring?

Getting my boys and myself dressed...I love Spring clothes. Mama stay fly so you know my babies wil be on point as well.

I was the 5,920th person to take this week's Monday Meme!

Some Bull In Ct...

Some random thoughts going on in my mind...got 2 friends going through some nonsense *love em both dearly but they know me....I voices my opinion when needed...some other thoughts as well..lemme know if you get confused..I'm kind of all over the place:

-Sometimes being nice gets you nowhere...gotta think of yourself.

- You gotta $3g gas bill...NO ONE needs to be occupying your household for free til you get YOUR ish together..I'm just saying.

- Hold up...I thought you asked me if YOU could stay?? Not yo broke ass man as well!! Oh HEELLL NOO!!

- No woman should EVER allow another woman as well as that womans man to stay up in her house!!! PERIOD!!! Anybody watch Maury?!?!

-You work...but he doesn't!!! Are you shitting me?! And besides...a weekend turned into 2 wks...there's something wrong w/ this picture...help me out y'all.

- I just woke up at 10 gotta be to work by 3.... why am I loking at your man dead seriously knocked out in my living room like he had a rough nite???

- No he didn't complain about the lack of ketchup in MY house....sir..where you invited?? And get the hell outta my kitchen??

-Why is he telling me you alls problems?? You aint getting the love you claim you lack from me!! GET OUT MY HOUSE!!!

-*me talking* Trying to be a good friend w/o getting in the middle...you need to tell they asses they got to go...you got bigger fish to fry...real talk.

- I told you to make a key for YOU so I can stop leaving my door open...what would possess you to give it to his ass??

- Ummm...I just moved into my apartment...what would give you balls to call me the day I move in and ask if you could stay a couple weeks?? I think not!!

- And you have no money to contribute to this household I just struggled to get into...I'm sorry but that's not gonna fly..bills have to be paid mouths have to get fed.

- Sometimes its hard to talk to people w/ no motivation..I've learned your words just might have an impact...encourage people..it makes you feel more intune w/ others.

- K.D!!! Hurry!!! I'm in need to be layed down something serious!!! These dreams are killing me!!!

- Dec 10th is a blink away and I'm more than excited to meet my new widdle one!! Braylon James!!

This situation w/ my friends is a crazy one people...I love both these girls and have been doing an outstanding job of staying out of it *feels even better I'm 1000 miles away* I'm not taking sides in anyway...I don't agree w/ my man stayin w/ me at any other females residence its unethical in my eyes..not that I don't trust them..I wouldn't put myself in that Maury situation at any given time. But like I said in my rant...sometimes being nice gets you walked all over. There's a difference between being nice w/ a spine and being point blank spineless...ya know?? You gotta have set rules when allowing someone to stay at your place or you'll wind up all jambled like this situation.

Peace until next time