goodbye....for now

or maybe i should say "see ya later"...i dunno..im sad though and feel like a well of tears because ma' baby left today*booooo*

i miss k.d...i know i know...i complain about him ALOT but my feelings are all jambled and im the type of person to vent and sound like i caint stand the person...but..thats not the case with k.d...im still in love with him when i thought i wasnt...im sooo sad hes gone...he'll be back by the end of next month if im not mistaken....we'll say Jan/Febish.

like i said...we talked about things and i realize we are both the kind of people that completely guard our true feelings in hopes that it will save us from feeling pain...i know he loves me i see it in his eyes and to me your eyes tell so much truth and he loves his kids...i feel like if i bend and just show him ME,the mother of his 2 sons that loves him more than words can say maybe that will start to break down his walls...basically..i have to break down my own barriers to get him to see that i love him and i dont want to be hurt just as much as he doesnt.

i miss him...i wish i didnt feel like this visit was a tease *we couldnt do anything hence the situation of giving birth to braylon via c-section*..ive always felt like sex is when he and i release our actual feelings for one another..hes not the "i love u baby" type but when we getting it in its "i love you" this and "i love you so much" that...i find it funny but i believe it cuz i know him and thats just the way he is...thats my babe...ill be on next week about how he pissed me off and whatnot...lol.

im hoping things do work itself out for the better with he and i..im looking to get these 4 credits i need to start school in Sept '08 and while im at it ill look for a school out here for him to get licensed in barbering *boy been cuttin hair over 10 yrs..dont ask why hes never gone ligit* hes good at it..hes the only one i want on my son head thats for sure.

so my hopes are to do this 24 mth program he get licensed and we get outta here right after that..hes got people that will help him get his own shop *if he needs the help* back home and ill be straight financially so im praying we get this poppin..i want my kids to have what we both didnt...a dad in the household a part of raising them....cant fault me for that

Lord please dont let me fall

peace until