K.D. Drama *as usual*

One of my 2 very best friends said something that totally caught me of guard a while ago.
We had a convo about unhappiness in a relationship and I told her *as the good friend I like to call myself* about some dirt I had on her man *NOTE TO ALL: I AM NOT A MEDLER THIS GIRL HAS BEEN MY FRIEND SINCE 1997...ITS 2007 YOU DO THE MATH* let me just add that I don't jump at any slight thought of something shady going on,I wait for consistency and trust me this damn fool was quite consistant. So...we are talking and she says to me "Nobody fucks me as good as he does,so I don't give a fuck". Now, I love this girl like family, but that made me think.
Am I stuck on K.D? Or am I stuck on K.D dick game?
*Confused ones...once again K.D is my Kids Dad*
I've said this before....we don't seem to connect on much but once we get it in...we gets it in....ok? No complaints what so ever!


But when it comes to me needing more than a mutual sex maniac he just doesn't do it for me. I'm in a new state of mind and I truly feel I've out-grown him. A part of me is hurting from it and the other part has had it with his ignorance.
He's the kind of guy who didn't really get guidance from his mother or any motherly figure for that matter on how to treat a woman especially one you claim to love due some personal situations I chose to respect on his familys behalf.

I've been with this guy for 4 1/2 yrs and he hasn't improved one bit. I feel he has a mistrust due to the problems he's had with his mother and I,being the first woman he claims he's given his heart to, get mostly the anger and disrespect. And recently, when I've seriously had enough because I've always enabled him by feeling sorry for him and whatnot, I decided "eff this I'm out" found me a lil friend,I call him "Seatfiller" cuz I was still in love w/ K.D, that's when the gentle yet angry and hurt side came out....still disrespectful because he is a product of his environment....but so desperate I felt I finally struck the nerve I intended on striking.

From there it was back and forth and sometimes cool sometimes aggravating to the point "Seatfiller" wasn't too far from receiving a phone call.

Here I am again appalled by him and too through with his lack of common respect for others feelings at times. To be a person with such potential to be different and step out the box and live a fulfilling life he totally has that "ghetto mentality" about a lot of things and I'm so not that woman to tolerate it.

I can't see me living happily with this guy. I unfortunately see a seed of disaster being planted and sometimes feel he resents me for being who I am. I've never had a low self-esteem as far as who I'd be in my future,he just never thought as far as I did or as high rather. I have hopes and dreams and goals and my babies will be my motivation...they will keep me on my toes and I'll see them grow day by day not missing a beat. He's going to miss out on the beauty that is the children we've created together all because of fear. Fear to grow,fear to change...I'm past that....got past it when I packed my things andlleft Connecticut.

So what's a woman in training to do? I'm feeling let it go because you can't change a person that has no desire to change. I know what I want out of this life and I know what I want out of love. It just won't be shared with K.D.

He doesn't know what he's doing to my babies.