I'm in need of a nice intense sensual deep kiss....so to make myself feel better...I decided to play around and take a lil quiz:
| Your Kisses Are Medium-Hot |
 Your kisses are definitely sexy, but you're not about to make anyone gasp for air. You take it slow and steady... and you ramp things up when you get the right signals. Your kissing style is adaptable and adept. And people who kiss you love it! |
I decided to have a lil fun and answer some *most recent*TMI Tuesday questions.
Here Goes....
1) What are your 7 favorite things that turn you on? (Sex,like oral or penetrative cannot be an answer) Ex: silk,light tickling ect)
Hmmm....7....ok..
-Kissing someone K.D's sexy lips...I love juicy lips and a man that knows what to do with them...Mmmm..I love my bottom lip to be sucked on...I've been told I have a rather irresitable bottom lip.
-I love hand massages...someone to unexpectantly take my hands and start caressing them and massaging them quietly...not saying a single word..sounds weird but its something about that touch that does something to me
-The way someone interested in you looks at you in that "I want you" way....I have a thing for silent actions and reading someones eyes..you don't have to say much your eyes do a lot of talking if you let them.
-I love to feel my mans touch on my hips...I'm curvy and well aware of it..and I just love for my man to enjoy the feel of my hips.
- I love for my man to tell me how attracted he is to me and what he'd like to see me in to turn him on...that gets me going too.
-Slight teasing and touching...leading up to what you really came to do.
-Defintley music...I love me some Teddy P....Luther...Marvin....Isley Bro...Keith Sweat...Rick James "BITHCH"....R.Kelly (Seems like you're reeeeaaaaady!!) and so much more....I'm a huge music lover...that can get you all hot n bothered by itself!!!
2) What are your non-genital errogenous zones and what do you like about them?
-My neck...I like to be kissed lightly on my neck...it sends chills up and down my spine.
-I love to have my mans arms wrapped around my waist and he play with the small of my back...just lightly run your fingers around that area and slowly down to my booty and cup it and caress it! That turns me on!
3) What sounds get you sexually charged?
-When my man tells me he likes what I'm doing and he lets out a little moan that men hate to have slip out....I know I'm doing something very well when that happens.
-When we are in a room full of people and he whispers what he wants to do when we leave the company of those people....my imagination is running by then.
4) After losing your virginity, what is the longest you've gone w/o penetrative sex?
Being that the guy I lost my "V" to wasn't my boyfriend...he was a flow and I wanted to get it over w/...I waited about a year or so and met my first real boyfriend and we got it in...he was the first to make me nut and he was the biggest I've seen up until K.D...OMG!! Hmmm....wonder how he's doing these days?? LOL
5) What is your least favorite sexual position? Why don't you like it?
I really don't have a least favorite....I really enjoy the entire act and love to be flipped around into different positions...I'm very adventorous...love my hair to be pulled.
BONUS (optional) If you could sexually dominate or submit to 5 people,any 5,current or deceased,which 5 would they be?
Oooo...good one..
Commom (submit)- that man just turns me on...he's what I'd want in my dream man!! I'd want him to write something just for me...recite it to me...and do whatever he wanted to me!!
My first boyfriend (dominate)- I was so innocent and sweet when we had our little thang going..he took control because I hadn't a clue....I'm totally tuned in now...he'd be completely satisfied! I'd love to see his reaction at the huge difference!
Hmmm...who else??
Denzel Washington (dominate)- I'd make him yell "KING KONG AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME!!"...lol...I'd love his cool demeanor to transform into the character Alonzo from Training Day...and tear my ass up!! He was sexy as hell in that movie..MmMm!
Tyrese (dominate..he seems like he needs it) *I really hope the rumors of homo sexuality and beating his woman are not true* because with all that aside...those lips and that skin could get it!! I love dark chocolate men...turns me on just by site!!
Last but not least....
Mike Vick (submit) *I support Mike!!* he's a sexy man..yeah *mind wandering*...we could get it in!! He aint getting near my pit though...lol..nah I'm playing!
******************************
That was fun and made me think...just might do it again next week.
But...things are moving right along..I made the date for my C-Section...its Dec 10th at 7a.m. Can't wait to meet my new little one.
I spoke with K.D and really let him in on the truth about my feelings towards his plan. It made no sense...he was saying he was coming for a week when Braylon was born and wasn't returning til June 2008. Let me repeat that in case you missed it...JUNE 2008!!! Did he really think I was going to sit around and wait on him?? Nah..he couldn't think that! But he did and I couldn't pretend anymore...he has 2 responsibilities down here why would he jepordize his relationships with the 2 of them due to some nonsense fear he has??
Needless to say, a few days to let it in sink in,he calls, drops the disrespect *starting to feel that's a crazy ass defense mechanism*..he tells me the truth about his fears and why his plan was so outrageous...we talk like civilized folk and his entire plan changed!! I was in so much shock I barley had much to say!! He jumped from June to Jan and realizes buying a new car can be done when he gets here!! There must be some fat ass pigs flying because I never thought the day would come that he and I would actually see eye 2 eye and he'd understand my point of view...but it happened and I'm still willing to give it a try. He's the only person I'm this willing with.
No matter how many times I've tried to tell myself I'm over him and his drama...lately things feel normal again...our convo is the way it used to be...laughter...cutting eachother off with simular funny stories...baby needs...lil mar needs..family update exchanges...just the way we were..Alyse and Shamarr...diffierent but so in love with eachother.
Maybe we do have a chance...not sure..but I'm willing to try.
*sigh* Love.....
Tonite on MTV is a special about "really grew into himself and morphed into a fine young brother" R&B singer Mario and his heroin addict mother.
This special brings some feelingsup for me and how I really empathized with my K.D and his simblings. It also made me sit back and appreciate my mother and how something so tragic could have been a part of my life but it wasn't because I was blessed with a strong mother.
The only difference is our genetic addiction is alcohol *my mother is such a litewieght its hilarious*. It just made a twinge *very small* of feeling rise and I thought of K.D.
Buuut anyhoo! I'm considering taking a break from sex *not like I've had any lately being away from where I'd get some for 2 mths now* but I'm starting to think that focusing on my kids & myself just might do my mind good *even though my body is craving something long hard and juicy....quick freaky thought...aaaand I'm back*.
I feel like that's what complicated things with K.D because he's been my go to guy when I was in need for "some good extra loving". And now that he's not here...I'm able to disect our relationship to its core *even though what he got "swanging" is my weakness* I'm glad my weakness isn't here to make me weak.
Aint nothing wrong with hittin a freaky storeup...hmmm....rather soon.
So random....lol!
One of my 2 very best friends said something that totally caught me of guard a while ago.
We had a convo about unhappiness in a relationship and I told her *as the good friend I like to call myself* about some dirt I had on her man *NOTE TO ALL: I AM NOT A MEDLER THIS GIRL HAS BEEN MY FRIEND SINCE 1997...ITS 2007 YOU DO THE MATH* let me just add that I don't jump at any slight thought of something shady going on,I wait for consistency and trust me this damn fool was quite consistant. So...we are talking and she says to me "Nobody fucks me as good as he does,so I don't give a fuck". Now, I love this girl like family, but that made me think.
Am I stuck on K.D? Or am I stuck on K.D dick game?
*Confused ones...once again K.D is my Kids Dad*
I've said this before....we don't seem to connect on much but once we get it in...we gets it in....ok? No complaints what so ever!
But when it comes to me needing more than a mutual sex maniac he just doesn't do it for me. I'm in a new state of mind and I truly feel I've out-grown him. A part of me is hurting from it and the other part has had it with his ignorance.
He's the kind of guy who didn't really get guidance from his mother or any motherly figure for that matter on how to treat a woman especially one you claim to love due some personal situations I chose to respect on his familys behalf.
I've been with this guy for 4 1/2 yrs and he hasn't improved one bit. I feel he has a mistrust due to the problems he's had with his mother and I,being the first woman he claims he's given his heart to, get mostly the anger and disrespect. And recently, when I've seriously had enough because I've always enabled him by feeling sorry for him and whatnot, I decided "eff this I'm out" found me a lil friend,I call him "Seatfiller" cuz I was still in love w/ K.D, that's when the gentle yet angry and hurt side came out....still disrespectful because he is a product of his environment....but so desperate I felt I finally struck the nerve I intended on striking.
From there it was back and forth and sometimes cool sometimes aggravating to the point "Seatfiller" wasn't too far from receiving a phone call.
Here I am again appalled by him and too through with his lack of common respect for others feelings at times. To be a person with such potential to be different and step out the box and live a fulfilling life he totally has that "ghetto mentality" about a lot of things and I'm so not that woman to tolerate it.
I can't see me living happily with this guy. I unfortunately see a seed of disaster being planted and sometimes feel he resents me for being who I am. I've never had a low self-esteem as far as who I'd be in my future,he just never thought as far as I did or as high rather. I have hopes and dreams and goals and my babies will be my motivation...they will keep me on my toes and I'll see them grow day by day not missing a beat. He's going to miss out on the beauty that is the children we've created together all because of fear. Fear to grow,fear to change...I'm past that....got past it when I packed my things andlleft Connecticut.
So what's a woman in training to do? I'm feeling let it go because you can't change a person that has no desire to change. I know what I want out of this life and I know what I want out of love. It just won't be shared with K.D.
He doesn't know what he's doing to my babies.
Lord knows school is next on my agenda!!
Living here in GA in the situation I am in has made me so very ready and quite regretful of the fact that I decided school "wasn't for me". That had to be the dumbest thought to ever process itself into my gorgeous brain. I look back on how I was just being stubborn and afraid of what the future held.
What brings this on?
I am in College Park Health Department for a WIC appointment like most mothers in my sit' do to make things a lil bit easier until I'm on my feet.
There is nothing but non sense around me...
A woman who keeps "poppin" her no older than 9 mth old daughter for no reason in my eyes.
They had me sitting in the wrong area for over and hr after I asked was I in the correct area!
The employees seem to be more interested in my jewelry than taking care of what I need from them!
There's a woman sitting next to me ignoring her screaming child because her grown ass has a belly ache!!
You have to listen hard as hell for your name to be SCREAMED from the back room because you are hearing "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!" as well as a young boy very concerned about his mothers minutes on her phone and watching my black ass on my SK3...telling his mother his young ass wants a $300 phone....boy please.
I've been here since 9:45 and it is now 1:08...I am 7 mths pregnant and hungry as all hell!!
SCHOOL IS NEXT ON MY AGENDA!!!
*Some good news!*
We got the place in Stockbridge...beautiful apartment...brand new everything!! BADAH BAH BAH BAH.....I'm loving it!!
- Am I the only one who feels like karma slapped the hell out of bianca on ANTM?! Granted the cut does do her a bit justice...but if you don't feel that way on the inside it seeps through. I thought she handled it rather well...but I still feel like this should be an eye opener!! Stop treating people like crap and you'll get far!!!
-My girl Seliesha *shoot...I forgot how to spell her name!* played herself thinking shed never be in the bottom 2....sadly mistaken my love! Never say never....didn't anyone ever teach you that lil saying? Oh well....shed better step her eye gameup and connect with the camera cuz besides Heather...I'm rooting for her...she's too cute!
-That damn "Yalie"....over-thinking everything possible...she is obviously not an artistic person being that she couldn't wrap her mind around the concept of the photo shoot....I thought it was a rather interesting interesting shoot. Hmm....what kind of plant would I be??
That's all for now....
I am very happy these days! My mommy and my brother are finally here!! I feel a whole lot better!! I was feeling kinda lonely and since they've been here I just feel alive.
Things wil definitely get into motion being that the cars here now. No more relying on unreliable people who are too detatched from reality to call yourself depending on. I'm not used to needed anyone and I couldn't be happier the car has made its way here and my independance is restored!!
Sad to say my mommy will be leaving on Sunday *pouting like a brat* I'm majorly attached to mi madre if you can't tell by now. But we are going to check this apartment out....didn't mention things fell through with the one I really wanted..but oh well.
I watched Tyras show today and they were talking about women and porn. Of course they had a split panel of "anti-porn" women and women who didn't mind it. Being that talking to the television isn't a way to get your point across because lets face it..no ones going to hear or answer my crazy ass..I wanted to speak my opinion:
I personally don't mind porn *I prefer black porn..if that's what we call it* I watch it with my kids dad he's the only person I'm comfortable enough with. Its keeps things fun and shoot...I learn something from the freaky people that get paid for having sex. Im a rather sexual person and I wouldn't consider myself as raunchy because I do enjoy porn.
Her to each his own...ill take my porn and get what I gotta out of it.
That's all I got for today...not much going on that I'd like to spill out.
Lata!
Funny how lately a lot of my feelings towards "you" have been hidden deep within my layors. "You" used to know my every thought..wore every emotion on me like clothing. Ever since I've opened my mind to the life and love I deserve "you" became a bit of a distant memory..the way I thought I used to feel was questioned...every moment spent..every word spoken..every letter/poem written was a question to me. The way "you" used to be is not the "you" I know now..guess comfort sets in and true feelings get tangled along the way. The me that I am now is not the me I was then..but as a growing woman/mother that is so far fetched from a man.. See..my difference is a difference of growth and gaining more knowledge to help me in this world of ours whereas "you" remain in this state of stunted growth. And yet....I'm still in love with "you".
I'm so excited!! I could do flips! Cartwheels! Bank hand springs! Uhhh...not so much w/o breaking something.
I got the apartment I have been praying sooo hard on!! THANK YOU JESUS...YOU LOVE ME YOU REALLY LOVE ME!!!! I could shout to the world right now...this means so much to me!! Now..if I'm like this over my first apartment..stay tuned when I purchase my first house!!
I'm on a natural high right now and it feels awesome. All my patience and all my positivity has paid off!!
I knew I'd be fine..I knew it..
This is only the beginning.....
