Onto Other Things

WORDS CANT EXPRESS
Ms Chriette MIchelle

Ok I know I was a bit much below this post...

But Im onto something very important to me...good music.
Im a "music I can feel" type of person *but when Im drunk I'll ULLLL with best of them*
And I am a firm believer that music is at an all time low, just giving ANYBODY a deal.
I feel it isnt what it used to be...AT ALL.
Enter...Ms Chrisette Michelle...and I feel cool refreshing air all through my soul!!!
*enhales deeply*
Im so overjoyed to have her in my life!!! *a bit much...eh..I think not...my music lovers feel me*
She is in my current playlist ENDLESSLY!!
Play on Chrisette!!

blank stare AT Y'ALL

OK...Y'ALL KNOW I LOVE Y'ALL RIGHT??

BUT...UMMM...

DID ANYONE NOTICE THE POST BELOW MS AGUILERA???



JUST WONDERING

THE TRUTH!!!

I simply adore this lil' lady here!!! I have been KILLIN' her album since it came out!! And I am nowhere near tired of it *shit..one of her songs is stuck in my head as we speak from killin' it all day..lol*
Her voice amazes me.
She used to get on my nerve but as the years went by and I saw her grow as an artist and woman she gained my respect from all angles.
She is who she is and I love it.
Her confidence is obvious when she performs..she works the HELL out of the stage!!
Truly an awesome entertainer.
I just thought Id show my gurl here some love.
What can I say??
She's the truth.

whats on my mind

Hey guys, sorry I've been so lack-luster with my posting. I cant seem to get my mind right on a few things. Im a bit stressed and Im the type that refuses to give in to whatever is stressing me so I go into my shell and remain there until I can pull it together. Things regarding my move here to GA and the fact that I am feeling a bit discouraged about living here. Finances are not what they need to be to just pack up and go home. I've been getting ALOT of help from my Mom and I couldnt thank her enough. K.D understands that a lot of my feelings where stress related and I just felt he wasnt there the way I needed him to be (Im spoiled y'all..he did it) But my heart hurts at the fact that I made this MAJOR move and things are making me feel like I need to get home ASAP!. The education down here SUCKS!! And my son is very intelligent , that puts fear in my heart that this state WANTS children to regress!! Are you f*ken kidding me?!!? Aww hell no!! Im not having that AT ALL. My mother and I were online and she was on this website that had all the states schooling by grades and GA had a damn D!!! CT had an A- for private and B+ for public. So basically people I was better off staying where I am from.
I now realize that yeah it is cheaper to live her but you sooo pay for it with the MAJOR pay cut you receive and it sucks soo bad. Im not used to this and I can no longer deal with it. Its lowering my spirit the way I was feeling when I decided to leave. I literally feel like blowing a "j" and saying f*ck it, but I WONT I love my babies too much to give up.
I start school in 2 weeks and cant friggin wait!! I see my babies at the end that this journey and a life my mom wasnt able to give us because she didnt have the resources that I have to take advantage of.
This post was going to be about me and my relationship because this move is truly going to test our strength. My baby has NEVER lived anywhere else and he also has to change his profession for a short while sowe can get things together to get the hell out of here!!
I was nervous that he would chastise me for deciding to move back basically 5 mths after he got here. But he didnt, he actually understood that I had to find out for myself and now that I have he is more than willing to get away for a bit as well and get our minds clear and ready to completely devote ourselves to creating the life we didnt have for our boys.
He's getting his GED (thats the test he is going for) and I am proud of him. He has had it rough without having someone to guide him. He has made some silly mistakes, but somehow still remained from going down that path leading him to a dead end. He turned to barbering and realized he wasnt that type of guy, he has so much potential for greatness and I think thats what keeps me going with him. I want him to see how great he his and instill that greatness in our boys.
He will be here very soon and I cant wait. I never looked at our relationship as long distance, I dont know why because that is basically what it became since we left. He has never given me a reason to not trust him so I have no idea why I started buggin' for a hot second, like I said he has me rotten with his attention he's never been the "lovey dovey" type but I have ALWAYS had his full attention.

Ummm...this post turned into something else but whatever...lol.

Im looking forward to busting these next 6 months out..I gotta get outta here before I lose it!!

Thank you all for your kind words and making me feel a bit better.

Peace Until...

Was I Buggin

Huh??

Hey people.
Im so grateful for all of your patience.
I know I havent been commenting in a few days.
Im back now and feelin' a bit better.

My problem was K.D. *as usual*

It seemed he was being a bit odd.
We werent talkin' much and every time we DID talk he had to call me back but wouldnt and that was causing some conflict within my spirit.
Then I went through a period when no one at all was answering the phone at the B-Shop.
So I was like WTF is goin' on??
We NEVER not speak for more than 1 day.
And I know I sound petty, but, y'all, we are 1000 miles away from each other.
1 day to not speak is enough, No?
But goin' on 6 fkn days is a bit excessive, yeah?
Shit, I think so.
And 5 maybe 10 min phone calls dont do it for me, I call that NOT speaking and is included with my 6 day count.
I do understand he IS studying for his test on the 2nd of Feb.
No matter what he says I KNOW the fact that he is gettin' nervous b/c this will be his 3rd try could be the reason.
But me and my "female" thinking would LIKE to believe all the positive energy I called myself sending him would be of service.
Guess not.
I have to laugh b/c I sometimes think Im giving excuses.
I had that twinge that only my females know about.
That "The fuck am I feelin' a lil shaky w/ this funny feelin' in my stomach for?" feelin'
Waking up 3:30 in the morning with YOU on my mind *and i wasnt thinking about fkn* feelin'
That think of your name and my stomach flips feelin'

Was I buggin???

But, I sat here and I thought to myself.
Would I be losing a good thing? Or would HE?
I vouch for HE.
Call me conceited, a bit cocky, what the fug ever.
I'd prefer confident...lol.
But Im not an unattractive lady.
I pride myself with having good ass genes
And a damn good personality and sense of self
A damn good mother to YOUR 2 boys




So..with that said.
Me and my fine ass will find someone rather quickly IF and only IF thats where he wants to take it.
But I guess he was just focused on his studies and I'll go back to being my positive self.

I cant sit here and be a child about things.
Ive been doing well with containing myself and not "creating drama"
I do love the damn fool and dont want things to go south because of bull.

We were doing so well and I was finally letting that guard I put up down so he could see the REAL me.
I wasnt doing anything I used to do.
I love him y'all
I really do
And I want to make it work

I'll be patient and wont over react

Sooo...with that....

IM BACK BIIIZZZNNITCHES!!!!!

odd feeling

I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that i cant explain.
Ive been feeling like this since I got home tonight from washing clothes.
I dont know whats wrong guys.
I feel sad for some odd reason.
Ima take a few days off and get my emotions in check.
Love Y'all.

-Leese

feeling stronger...my babies

YOU AND I
WILL NEVER FALL APART



(my babe HATES this flick..he thinks he looks like a sad puppy..i think he looks as "nice" as we were that nite)

Cancer Man and Libra Woman This match has as many chances of working as of not-working. The initial start will be very good, the main problem will come in making it work, on a much more permanent basis. One of the areas where differences will crop up is the money department, he loves to save and she loves to shop. He is much more practical and sensible than she is. Infact, she is more carefree about life and likes to take each day as it comes. He may at times not express his feelings fully, which will frustrate her very much. The best way to make this match work is by conversing.



This freaks me out how accurate it is!!
This is K.D and I to the 10th power!!! I am soooo the frivolous shopper and he is the responsible spender.
My better half.
This is why i feel we just might have a chance...we balance eachother out.
Just when I thought we were done and had absolutely nothing in common. We shocked one another and have been closer than ever.
I can TALK to him now without feeling like Im talking to my self or talking to someone who doesnt care rather.
Im proud of where we are in this short period of time.
We are eachothers strength and I realize NOW that I am who I am today because HE made me look at myself.
I love him for that.
Im so happy we are making it work.


***********************************************************************************************

NEW PICS OF THE KIDDIES!!!

makes me wanna holla

IM HURTIN' Y'ALL!!

For those that dont know, had a cesarean surgery fir the birth of Braylon.

Its a pretty big deal and it requires me to be home longer w/ quite a list of other restrictions.
Now, i havent felt ANY pain for quite some time *dont know the exact time* then, today, Braylons bib was across my bed and he was lying in between my legs *sounds weird but he was safe..lol* and i reached to my left to grab it *thinking i was ok and wouldnt feel any pain* and then...oooowww!!! I feel a pull in my right side!
OMG!! when i say that ish hurt it HURT!! And on top of that i have this headache that wont quit!!

That being said..i just had to take a Perc' **and a half..lol** and im feeling kinda nice right now.

***is it me?? or do i feel like i havent holla'd at my blog fam in a min??***

***maybe its the percocet..lol***

Lata Lovelys!!

SIDEBAR: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I CANT GET THE FONT SIZE SMALLER..I TRIED 3 DAMN TIMES!!

VIDEO LOG

I DID MY VIDEO LOG!!!!

CHECK ME OUT AT :
WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/BESTKEPTSECRET84

***WARNING I LOOK A HOT ASS MESS..LOL***

i love....

MY BOYS

"Maahder, youre my best friend EVER!" thats what Shamarr tells me on a regular basis and it warms my heart. My boys are my joy and i know i express this a lot, but it was *and is* my love for them that keeps me sane these days. Times when i thought their dad and i were not going to make it, it was Shamarrs everlasting smile and strong, comical personality that kept me smiling. The fact that id get to experience another strong personality created by K.D and i grow and become a hilarious amazing little boy kept my hopes up as well as my strength. Braylon is growing more and more beautiful each and every day *ill get new pics for y'all soon..ma' damn battery died!! and its a rather expensive battery,so bare with, kay??* He is smiling and cooing and just warming my heart day by day. What really makes me feel good is that he recognizes my singing voice and when he gets a bit fussy i sing "Ribbon In the Sky" to him while playing it softly and shortly after hes asleep. My God the boy is already 10 lbs 8 oz of chubby cuteness!! He just turned 1 mth on Thursday..my fatboy..lol. Each day my love for these 2 grows stronger and i am ready to get moving on the things i need to do for them.
They are my joy.

MUSIC

An 8 yr old little girl at her karaoke machine grabs a recording tape,presses record on one side and play on the other. The side she presses "play" on softly plays "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston *one of her many idols*. She puts the microphone up to her mouth and begins to sing along with Ms Houston, the feeling coming through this 8 yr old is unexplainable its a feeling she loves to feel, she is doing what she loves to do, bonding with music. She turns the playing tape over and begins to sing "Yes Jesus Loves Me". Shes alone in her element that is her bedroom singing her little heart out. Shes content, she feels good...but..shes deathly shy to do this anywhere else besides her bedroom so there she remains for years singing alone to her audience of stuffed animals and sometimes her little brother.
That little girl is obviously me and i still have that tape. Ive had a strong love for music since i can remember, my mother says since i was able to talk ive always loved music and would sing every song possible for my little mouth to sing.
Music has played a major role in my life, anything i was going through id have a song to express it and id feel a weight lifted off my chest.
First heartbreak?? Aretha healed that.
Having a bad day?? Stevie would lift my spirits.
Anything else?? Too many to name would heal the emotion roaming through my body.
I wish i could name each and every person who has influenced me musically but i would be here for hours trying to make sure i didnt leave anyone out.
Lately i havent been hiding my experiencing all kinds of new music and new artists..im prod of that, i used to be around people that wouldnt understand it and would most likely make fun of me..so id keep my love for alternative and SOME country to my self.
I adore music and i wish i wasnt so afraid of what God has given me..singing is a drug to me..if i go days without singing SOMETHING..ANYTHING i feel a sense of withdrawl and i HAVE to have an alone moment to sing. Its weird i know but its ME and its what music does to me.

K.D.

Its going on 5 yrs and i still find myself questioning why he loves me and deals with the many ups and downs that have created the makings of me.
He is this cool calm guy that doesnt say much but when he DOES say something it usually holds some weight to it. It takes alot to get a rise out of him and im usually the one that gets that rise *not THAT one!!* out of him. I hate him and i love him. He tells me the truth about me and has made me crack myself open and take a deeper look more than once. Hes an observer and he has damn sure observed this spoiled and at times selfish brat. He can be immature but lately hes been doing a good job of working on that. Hes responsible and shows me that i waste money and that i dont NEED those hot ass shoes i saw the other day *lol* He has potential to be great if only he'd have faith in himself and the plan God has for him *i do my best to encourage him and help he realize he IS talented at whatever he does*. He has made me realize love again, im a girl with "daddy issues" and in him i found that i have it in me to love and be loved. He has "mommy issues" and i hope i have showed him what love is. I know i have bad talked him and probably made him sound worse than he is but i feel like he and i are finally growing up and truly learning about the other in ways we didnt try because we were too busy protecting our hearts.
Cant wait til you get here baby.

LYNN

Wow..10 yrs, 1 falling out and we are still here by eachother side regardless of what. I am soo thankful for your friendship and i feel so good that i can ACTUALLY say that with the confidence that you feel the same. It took me a long time to truly believe you were my true friend and had my best interest at heart because of how many times ive been hurt and let down by "so-called friends". Youve let me down ONCE and you NEVER did it again. You know me like no other and it sometimes scares me because,once again, it lets me know you are truly here for me and our friendship. I can honestly say you are up there with my family and K.D I love you dearly Friend, Sister rather. I laugh from the heart with you, there is never anything phony coming from us. I am Alyse with you, I sing in front of you and you KNOW thats major *lol*. I value what we share and know that the truth will always flow my mouth when you ask..shit..even when you dont. Youre a survivor and someone i admire,you need to know that i you are strong and beautiful and can perceiver through whatever God throws your way.
I'll always have your back.
Love you Sis.

And last but truly not least...

MOMMY
(YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME FOR THIS FLICK BUT..)

My backbone through every last thing i do. i am so taken by your strength, you are what i aspire to be. Goal orientated, strong mind, sensitive to others, so caring, generous.. a few things i am not at times. I look at what youve been through and see i can achieve anything. Im proud of you and i love you more than words can say. You deserve happiness and i hope youve found it where you are. i cant say it enough.. I Love You Mommy!! I look at those who didnt have their mothers when they needed them and i am thankful even more for you. For all the selfless things you do God has something major in the works for you lady..trust in that.
I Love You!!


***There is much more i love and am thankful for but right now..at this very moment..thats what is standing out in my mind***

peace y'all....

(ALYSE)

im feelin it

this chick is FIYAH!!


(she's the song playing)

i mean, as a people,should we be mad at the fact that the hotness is coming from "the blue eyed soul region" lately?? i dunno y'all..but im feelin this chick Adele here from South London...chick is so smooth wid it.

anybody ever hear of her??

if not....

get on it.

exhausted

IM SOOO TIRED!!!

I dont even know where or how to start this post i am soo exhausted right now.
if you havent figured it out yet..i stay home with the kiddies until next month ill be working agian. staying home is kind of ok besides the huge bouts of bordem i go through.
My dear sweet Braylon has me sleeping til noon *which i NEVER do* when usually i am up by 10 a.m if not earlier. it makes me feel so lapse and lazy looking over at my clock and seeing 11:57 a.m that is sooo not my style. and what it does is makes me even MORE tired throughout the day..i mean..by the evening he's asleep and im RIGHT BEHIND HIM!! he is up every 2 maybe 4 hours and im sooo ready for my lil cutie to be past this stage!!

Now, Shamarr was sooo easy. after i couldnt breastfeed anymore *he was too damn greedy and tearing my breast up!!* i had to turn to formula, his greedy butt STILL wanted more so i had to add a lil bit of cereal to his bottles, but after id do that hed be OUT LIKE A LIGHT..i mean slept the ENTIRE night. But Braylon?? Uh Uh..i just stopped breastfeeding him and he's now on formula and oatmeal cereal..he is up ready to eat AND THEN wants to stare in mommies face..Oh and get this..lil dude wants me to GET UP and rock him as well as sing!! i have a HIDEOUS singing voice in the middle of the night!! So we dont get to sleep until bout 7 a.m *NO LIE!!* So yea..while all normal folk are up and getting ready for work and whatnot..im up feeding,singing,rocking,oh and watching The Steve Harvey Show at 6 a.m.

I mean, i hate to complain because i LOVE my babies non the less but i guess when i had Shamarr i shouldnt have taken that time for granted because K.D was there and when i needed sleep he was up with the baby. He's not here until next month *im counting the days!!* and sometimes i wish id had stayed my black ass home and other times i feel like i did this for a reason and i wont renege unless something good happens *Lord, YOU know what "good" im talking about* but until then im here taking care of my babies and patiently waiting for K.D to come and take back HIS role with them.

MAMA TYYAD!!

Ahhh....motherhood.

(I DONT MEAN MY BABIES EITHER!!)

Pop Off

Alright y'all..i just got through watching my new obsession Bad Girls Club on the Oxygen channel.

THIS IS.....

TANISHA
aka "PopOff"

This chick here has some DEEP ISSUES...i mean, she started out cool,then of course you start to see the reason she is in the house in the first place.
MY opinion is she has "im-big-and-secretly-unhappy-about-it so-i-bully-people-and-make-fun-of people-to-shadow-the-REAL-issue-at-hand" syndrome..but let her tell it she just "pops off".
She is the epitome of the negative activity that black women are trying to let go of.
Shes that "big,loud,black girl" trying to scare people with her big ass mouth and LARGE stature.
A part of me was going to "pop off" on her in a negative way cuz watching her bully Cordelia around tonite woke up that little girl that was bullied in the 3rd grade and got yelled at by my mother that if i came home ONE more time crying because that big 6th grader that stayed back messed with me again SHE was going to whoop my ass when i got home .
it reminded me of that fateful day when i mustered up the courage,Smurf's lunch box clutched in hand,bully running her obnoxious mouth and WHAM! i knocked that ho' out with my Smurf lunch box..NOW TELL ME TO SHUT UP AGAIN!!
*JUST HAD A FLASHBACK*
But instead i feel for her because she obviously doesnt know any other way to be. Somewhere underneath all that negativity and anger is a very hurt soul. i truly wish for her to get it together and realize that ish is not attractive..she gots to go somewhere with all that.
i am convined she is unhappy with herself..i wish her the best in finding self esteem as well as maturity..y'all Youtube it..she a hot mess.

NOW...THIS IS

CORDELIA
aka "I Love Anal"

I dont have much to say for her besides shes the main focus of Tanishas rampage and she needs a back bone and stop letting people make fun of her.
She loves sex and has made her share of mistakes..as well as the mistake of being waay to open with some of the women in the house which lead to her being the ASS of damn near all the jokes.
When she ATTEMPTED to stand up for herself she was repeatedly told..or challenged rather by "Big Mamma PopOff" to do just that...POP OFF.
I dont agree with harassment and thats exactly what Tanisha did..hopefully she'll calm her ass down and leave ol' girl here alone. i can say that by the end of the episode she finally stood up to that monster..i guess because Tanisha is big and loud but that doesnt equal stupid she knows she hit someone she'll have to leave the show..but Cordelia did her best because the poor thing wouldve been laid out..you can tell she aint got no hands..lol.




this show has my full attention every Tuesday at 10pm..check your local listings for what channel Oxygen is near you..trust me..youll be entertained.

aight y'all..

im baaaaack

HEY.........




Gotta a few random thoughts going *plus Braylon FINALLY gave me a moment to breathe*


Alrighty...

Ive been thinking about my religion lately..and ive had to ask myself "What is my religion??" i was raised Christian and im now 23 and realize that i have my OWN beliefs that do not coincide with the Christian community.

im a self proclaimed "Astrology Head" I LOVE IT I THINK IT SOO INTERESTING...while they think ITS THE DEVIL RUUUUUUN... umm..not quite in my mind...lol...and besides i love my sign *LIBRAS STAND UP..lol..that was corny..sorry.* and it amazes me how it describes Alyse *me..duh* in a nut shell.

i believe in sex before marriage..i just cant see ME a self proclaimed lady in the streets but a freak in the bed *well..K.D says that too..giggle* but umm..im not TRYING to find out the night we consummate *did i spell that right?? oh well..yall get what im saying* our "LOVE" that your sex game is WHACK AS HELL!!..im sorry i just caint do it!! i think sex is a HUGE part of your connection..NOT ALL..but a large part of it..cuz if im mad at you and we beef a lil i like to think the make up will be on and POPPIN *singing Chris Brown.lol*


im trying to think if there is more because i think im sounding a bit crazy or even superficial but i am entitled to my opinion..i just have MY way of thinking and it doesnt go with....*deep theatrical voice* THE GODLY WAY.

im also not all that interested in marriage..im cool with being with someone in a monogamous relationship..im just not interested in the paperwork and the BIG wedding and the ring and having his last name..blah blah blah...just show me IM all you need and want and we good..aight?? aight.

please dont get me wrong..i love the LORD and i talk to him every night..my 3 yr old says his prayers every night and so do i and i DO believe in a HIGHER being watching and protecting us all...i just feel a bit odd in church sometimes and i feel even more out of place when i voice what I feel to someone of Christian ways..i feel like a huge sinner..lol.

Onto other things..

I have been getting into the Vlog side of Youtube and i REALLY want to start doing that.. it is waaay easier than typing what you feel *no i will not abandon my Blog fam..I LOVE Y'ALL MAYNE!!* but i am really interested in partaking in that community as well..ima get me a camera prolly' next month.
..i mean who WOULDNT want to see AND hear this cuties thoughts?? *crickets* hello?? anyone??



Hmm..what else what else??




I damn near KILLED myself my brother and my babies the other day..these roads are SO weird in GA..they dont have NORMAL dividers..we are on the road and my brother wants me to stop at Wendys before i drop them at the house so i can go food shopping and i go to take the left turn to the road its on and LORD HELP US ALL!! I WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!! I damn near passed out..but like i said i DO believe there is a higher being watching and protecting all because the cars saw us and let me turn the HELL around. i was shaken up a bit from that and feeling a bit...STUPID!!


I am sooo ready to get out of this apartment!! its not even funny!! im not feeling it NOPE im not feeling it.

im bout to one 2 step on out people..thanx for the patience.

love y'all

peace until...

Im Sawy Yall

HAVING A BRAINFART!!!





*sigh* Woe is me * i guess* but i shall return with a meaningful post soon..i dunno whats going on *guess not much huh??*

Until then ma' beautiful people..ill be reading others and trying to comment as much as possible..on a bit of a "bloggin hiatus" until somethin makes my brain tick.


Peace Lovelys!!