Missed Ya Much

Heeey Guuuys!!!

I've missed you soo much!

I guess Im off my lil' hiatus.

Got a lil' story to tell ::snickering::
*Or maybe I shouldnt laugh cuz I DAMN sure wasnt laughing at the time*

Buuut anyhoo..

As you all know my babes has entered the state of GA until we get our move on back home to CT.

Soooo....last Wed Im all excited and ish cant wait to see him and what have you.
Ride down the street..I see him sittin' down talkin' to some random dude..aight no problem.

There was no place to stop so we went down a lil further to turn around.

Now..this is when my self tells me "Self?? He is STILL sitting on the ground chattin' it up with ol' dude and thats NOT like him"
I say this to myself because I know my babes and he spotted us as well..he usually would stand up and put 1 hand in the air to make sure we saw him..but...Naaah..my babe is STILL on the ground.

So my mother hops out to see whats what while Im on the phone with my brother *whom we had to pick up later that nite from the Airport* making sure we all were on the same page and blah blah blah.

I hang up with my brother because K.D STILL had not come to the car!
I knew something was WRONG....VERY WRONG!!

I get out my mom has this look on her face...and my heart is RACIN' y'all RACIN'!!

She tells me he got caught with some smoke *weed* and they were detaining my baby!!
Im like NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Aw LAWD NOT MA" BABY!!!


I go over to him and he looks soo pitiful y'all..my babe is not a trouble maker nor is he the type to be in a whole mess of ish.
Not to mention his embarrassment because my mom hopped out before me *sigh*



Also....the random dude he was talking to was undercover!! *GO FIGURE!*
He was a nice guy and all..he even made my mom believe it was a small amount of tree's
when it REALLY was a fuggin' 'O!!!
*an ounce of weed for ma' slow folk..lol*

I have NO idea what he was thinking..I didnt even want to try..I just knew that he didnt need an "I told ya' so" from me...he needed my support and to know that I am his woman and will have his back whether it be good or bad.

The F'd up part is that we sat in the detention center from 12:30 p.m to 7:30 p.m!!

Now that just dont make NO DAMN SENSE!!!

Why the HELL does it take THAT long to fingerprint someone and get them booked?!?!?!

I mean...we had the money to bond him out which was a damn SHAM too!!!

THEN!!!

This damn Sheriff lady says to MY son *who was gettin' antsy b/c we've been there an ENTIRE work shift!!! He's 3 STUPID!! What were you expecting?!?!* "Ay Ay Ay wid all dat noise!"

Was she fuggin' jokin'?!?!?

Cuz um ya' gurl was next to be booked and processed...I kindly stated to her "We got this hon'..your input is not needed"

Ugh!!! I wanted to SCREAM!!!












By the end of the nite I was feeling like....


to GA and their whack ass system!!

HOME SWEET HOME!!!

HERE I COME!!!



Sidebar: All is well though we went to court the next morning and his case was dismissed and we get the bond money back!!!

Body Image

Heeey My Lovely's!!



Ive had a few things on my mind regarding the fact that I have a TOTAL of 23 lbs to lose to get back the my pre-pregnant weight *sigh*

So....

Im feeling a bit "Eh" latley because ya' gurl was FEELIN' ha' self when I walked past the mirror *mirror* around that time.

I mean I wasnt all BLADOW and all LEAN in ish



Because I LOVE my thickness and it was SOO profound pre-pregnancy *having flashbacks n ish*

(Im soo pear shaped...1st on the left)

I spoke to my Mom *my ROCK* and she has to have this operation AGAIN that scares the ish outta me! Im soo worried because IM the one the usually takes care of her at times like these. The fact that Im so far away KILLS me.
My point, the Doc said that what is causing the things to reappear *its a female thang fellas, thats mostly why I wont elaborate as well as the fact that Mom dukes caint STAND her business be OUT there* is related to weight and what have you.
Now, my Mom is the type that holds ALOT in and when she's stressed she will LET IT OUT in her sleep talk. Soooo....her man was like she was tossing and turning and fighting in her sleep and out the blue says "YOU BETTER GET CHECKED OUT ALYSE!! GO TO THE DOCTOR!!"
When she told me this I was like "Damn, this is more serious than she tried to lead me to believe" she doesnt like me to worry about but her, but she's my Mother, how can I NOT!!
Sooo...with that said I am on my way to doing what I gotta to get rid of the "excess" I dont want my kids to go through this.

Also!
My family has a history of cancer in the "female areas" and it scares me so bad.
I gotta get my mind right and feel good about my health as well as my body image
Both sides of my families have serious heart problems as well and that freaks me out too.

I gotta get right y'all




Lata Lovely's!!

Was I Buggin

Huh??

Hey people.
Im so grateful for all of your patience.
I know I havent been commenting in a few days.
Im back now and feelin' a bit better.

My problem was K.D. *as usual*

It seemed he was being a bit odd.
We werent talkin' much and every time we DID talk he had to call me back but wouldnt and that was causing some conflict within my spirit.
Then I went through a period when no one at all was answering the phone at the B-Shop.
So I was like WTF is goin' on??
We NEVER not speak for more than 1 day.
And I know I sound petty, but, y'all, we are 1000 miles away from each other.
1 day to not speak is enough, No?
But goin' on 6 fkn days is a bit excessive, yeah?
Shit, I think so.
And 5 maybe 10 min phone calls dont do it for me, I call that NOT speaking and is included with my 6 day count.
I do understand he IS studying for his test on the 2nd of Feb.
No matter what he says I KNOW the fact that he is gettin' nervous b/c this will be his 3rd try could be the reason.
But me and my "female" thinking would LIKE to believe all the positive energy I called myself sending him would be of service.
Guess not.
I have to laugh b/c I sometimes think Im giving excuses.
I had that twinge that only my females know about.
That "The fuck am I feelin' a lil shaky w/ this funny feelin' in my stomach for?" feelin'
Waking up 3:30 in the morning with YOU on my mind *and i wasnt thinking about fkn* feelin'
That think of your name and my stomach flips feelin'

Was I buggin???

But, I sat here and I thought to myself.
Would I be losing a good thing? Or would HE?
I vouch for HE.
Call me conceited, a bit cocky, what the fug ever.
I'd prefer confident...lol.
But Im not an unattractive lady.
I pride myself with having good ass genes
And a damn good personality and sense of self
A damn good mother to YOUR 2 boys




So..with that said.
Me and my fine ass will find someone rather quickly IF and only IF thats where he wants to take it.
But I guess he was just focused on his studies and I'll go back to being my positive self.

I cant sit here and be a child about things.
Ive been doing well with containing myself and not "creating drama"
I do love the damn fool and dont want things to go south because of bull.

We were doing so well and I was finally letting that guard I put up down so he could see the REAL me.
I wasnt doing anything I used to do.
I love him y'all
I really do
And I want to make it work

I'll be patient and wont over react

Sooo...with that....

IM BACK BIIIZZZNNITCHES!!!!!

makes me wanna holla

IM HURTIN' Y'ALL!!

For those that dont know, had a cesarean surgery fir the birth of Braylon.

Its a pretty big deal and it requires me to be home longer w/ quite a list of other restrictions.
Now, i havent felt ANY pain for quite some time *dont know the exact time* then, today, Braylons bib was across my bed and he was lying in between my legs *sounds weird but he was safe..lol* and i reached to my left to grab it *thinking i was ok and wouldnt feel any pain* and then...oooowww!!! I feel a pull in my right side!
OMG!! when i say that ish hurt it HURT!! And on top of that i have this headache that wont quit!!

That being said..i just had to take a Perc' **and a half..lol** and im feeling kinda nice right now.

***is it me?? or do i feel like i havent holla'd at my blog fam in a min??***

***maybe its the percocet..lol***

Lata Lovelys!!

SIDEBAR: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I CANT GET THE FONT SIZE SMALLER..I TRIED 3 DAMN TIMES!!

VIDEO LOG

I DID MY VIDEO LOG!!!!

CHECK ME OUT AT :
WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/BESTKEPTSECRET84

***WARNING I LOOK A HOT ASS MESS..LOL***

Im Sawy Yall

HAVING A BRAINFART!!!





*sigh* Woe is me * i guess* but i shall return with a meaningful post soon..i dunno whats going on *guess not much huh??*

Until then ma' beautiful people..ill be reading others and trying to comment as much as possible..on a bit of a "bloggin hiatus" until somethin makes my brain tick.


Peace Lovelys!!

Uhh..thanx..but no thanx

real quick before i lay down and watch Tyra.....

im on the phone with K.D earlier this evening heres how it went....

blah blah blah...

then...

K.D "that bassinet aint new."

Me "umm..ok"

K.D "she has the same one from the babies uncle and i guess she felt she didnt need that one"

Me "Mmhmm"

K.D "you still want it??"

Me "no..not really"

K.D "why not??"

Me " i honestly dont need it and just didnt want to do the expected which would be to reject it"

K.D " what were you going to do with it??"

Me "give it to one of those places that buy baby stuff off of people"

K.D "well...im not puttin it on the truck if you dont want it."

Me "fine..i just dont want to seem like im acting funny about it
..i have a bassinet for my son"

now...for those who dont know this bassinet is from his sister who ive had problems with for a while for absolutely NO REASON KNOWN TO MAN..shes a disrespectful child that ive had nothing to do with for over a year and with damn good reason..do i want it to be this way?? no..but youve burned too many bridges with me for me NOT to question this supposed "good gesture".

now...im feeling like the real reason you TRIED to give it me was because someone brought you a new one and it doesnt sit well with me..youve never tried to help me in any other way before so why should i trust now?? i dont..keep it..sell it..shit i dont care cuz i wasnt going to use it anyway.


always an ulterior motive with black people..we will NEVER be friends


thanx..but no thanx

good night

peace until...

Getiing Excited!!

How are we all this beautiful morning??
im doing as good as God wants me to be..no pains a few "braxton hicks" but nothing i cant withstand. im still pretty upbeat and ready to go!! thanx for all my good luck and baby blessings *ima miss the attention..lol* im just so excited right now!! i have nothing to be aggravated about and it feels so good. my mom and K.D are gearing up to get on that road tomorrow to get here to me..man..i miss them.

lately *since i have NOTHING else to do* ive been thinking about why i was so mizzy in Ct. ive started to think it wasnt Ct itself but my financial situation that was bothering me and making me feel less than capable of taking care of the now 2 children i am to have. i dont hate home..its home..its a part of me and its what i know..i figured out what it is that i want to do and got on the phone with the school im interested in yesterday and we spoke about the prerequisite classes id need. i then called my mom and she said once she got here we'd jump on where i can take those classes and get that poppin so id be ready Sept 2008. im excited..i told K.D that i feel like a drag racing car when they are waiting for the green light..rearing up to GO. i have my goals set and im ready to achieve. i figured moving down here to get in school and stay 3 yrs tops and then ill have a thought as to going home or..hey..somewhere else who knows..i just knew for a fact that living in Ct with my own place,a job *or 2*, 2 kids, trying to go to school and of course BILLS BILLS BILLS wouldve caused a nervous breakdown and misery in me. i didnt like the person i was becoming..mean bitchy and couldnt wait to get my hands on a "j" to not think about it all. that feels awesome too..not smoking and what have you..i was getting outta control in my eyes..im glad God removed that out of me.

Feeling real good and cant wait to



MEET MY NEW.....




MySpace Comments


peace until..

My Chi

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

hey people..

first let me start by saying i had this CRAZY dream about a mouse turning into a cat and attacking me from behind..i damn near jumped out of my bed and skin!! LMAO!! all i could do was crack the hell up!! guess what touched my back?? my sons foot!! i dont mind pictures of cats but other than that i cant stand the creepy lil thangs..lol..i still find that funny as hell.



Today feels pretty good..for some reason im real mellow. getting the house ready for our new addition, cleaning *somewhat like a maniac*,moving things where i feel they should be..all that good stuff they call "nesting".

trying to complement my feng shui..refusing to let anything or anyone interrupt my flow. in a recent rant i went on about one of me best totally shocking and disappointing me with a crazy assumption..well..i talked to her straight up about it last night *i needed to cool off so i wouldnt spaz* and all is well..i feel so much better to get it out rather than bury it and hold a grudge.
K.D's mom calls and lets me know her daughter *the one that has this "created" issue with me..i slowly figured it out to be jealousy b/c she had NO other reason to feel the way she did towards me* is sending me a bassinet for my baby...the old alyse is like "wtf?? did she sprinkle itching powder all over it?? is it cursed with some kind of omen??"..but instead the fung shui alyse takes over and says "thank you..i guess 2 beds wont hurt *forced and slightly concerned smile*"

my mom is like let all that go they are all still my childrens relatives..i trust my moms opinion but she knows its hard for me to release how i fell when i havent actually heard from the person..the chick is sending messages through other people *grow up already will ya'*..but thats niether here nor there..not f*kin with the feng shui *thanks gnarles barkely*

im loving the calmness im feeling around the house..im so excited for my mom and K.D to get here Saturday!! Cuz when the night falls its ON *as much as it can be given the situation...lol*

well folks 7 days and counting..ima go..kind of feeling some pains..i need to go chill before i cook dinner *fried chicken,corn,and rice..keeping it quick and simple right about now*

peace until...

Me being me

Some random rants of mine


where to start.....

- i barely hear from you since i left Ct

-i text you..you dont text back..but so much of that i will do

-Im the pregnant one..why am I checking up on you..something in this picture just aint right..my own stupidity i guess

-being that we havent spoken in a while..wtf gives YOU a right to judge a situation between ME and MINE?! when you havent the SLIGHTEST idea as to whats going on.

-ME and MINE have our plans set straight..your uninformed opinion..not needed

-i want to believe its coming from a "sistah gurl" place..but something in my bones is telling me its coming from a "shut the fuck up..you dont know what youre talking about"...place


-wait..did I tell you something i dont remember..nah..i dont think so

-im so disappointed in you i dont know what to think right now

-i wanna call..but i know im still pissed..so ima chill until my mind is clear

-is this coming from the same chick who "didnt give a fuck" about her man possibly giving whats supposed to be hers away???

-and as i recall..I didnt put your business on blast to ANYONE!!

-why call someone else with a concern for ME?!?! im not a crackhead..talking to me will do you fine luv.

-did you really have it in your head that this person wouldnt call me immediately after you caught diarrhea of the mouth??

-i have no patience for people that speak before they know whats really going on

-im still in disbelief that it came from YOU

-Trust me luv...i got this over here..you worry about "mr sensitive in need of affection" slipping whats supposed to be YOURS up in anything cuz hes "lonely" and ill handle mine..ok?? Get it..Got it...Good

-so what i told you how much money i had to buy my son a new game system..that doesnt mean $20 of it goes to yo broke ass..HAHAHA..i think NOT!!

-Whoo!! that last one was too funny!!

-hold up..is it my fault youre broke and youre girl dont want you?? get that together bruh.

-my dude..dont you see this man very obviously flirting with your girl and youre standing right here?? Oh..is that the reason you cheat on her?? Mmkay *giggles to oneself*

-please dont call me with your drama..and i damn is it just that..ive got a lot going on here and i dont have time to be a savior..sorry luv

-did it really take you that long to get to the point of this call?? im hearing crickets as you speak..GET TO THE POINT!!!

-from my view..you seem to get involved with some shady ass dudes..when will you learn??

-DAYUUUM t-mobile!!! im only 1 day late...GEEZ!!

-WTF Disney?!?! why do you have all these non sangin children up here making peoples ears bleed?!?! they all are not triple threats...*shoutout to my son for being the reason i have to hear these ear disasters*

-i swear..all i need is my back blown out and im good..real talk

-Damn Keebler elves for making these blazin ass shortbread cookies *if you dont know now ya know know know know*

-and a quick chuckle at my stalking son everytime he sees me with one..lol..hes too funny and greedy.

-Mmm...the flower on a birthday cake.

-damn i need some mind blowing sex..*crown royal on iiiiicce*

peace until....

Eeeek!

Went to the doc today thinking all was well in my pregnant world..wrong..she tells me im "soft" **that means your cervix and birth canal is getting ready for birth** now those of you that have been with me from the start..i am to have another c-section...never had a vaginal birth. so my doc is like i need to REALLY chill out these next 3 weeks and remain stress free, no cleaning nor too much moving..blah blah blah...i am NOT to labor at all what so ever. im a bit concerned because i dont want my new little one to come into this world and my mom nor his dad havent made it down just yet. they will be here the 7th of December...the fact that im waiting on K.D to send me the money so i may hit the stores and get a bassinet along with other items the baby needs is killing me as well as the fact that the car seat is coming when they come because its been at K.D's simce shamarr grew out of it **good thing we kept it..huh??** his silly behind was supposed to go this morning and put it in my account..he has til tomorrow before i get impatient..hes good with stuff like this so when he hasnt made it i know theres a legitimate reason. 0 stress remember??





anyhoo...wanna know something else i have zero tolerance for?? True ghetto folk!! i cant stand when people feel the dying need to show where they are from no matter where they are..they lack the time and place factor in their brain.
im in the doc office today and of course would be accompanied by 2 ghetto..and when i say ghetto i mean EXTREMELY GHETTO ..cussing in the waiting area...talking about smoking weed before they got there **one is pregnant..due in 2 weeks..yes...told all her business**..coughing up phlem and instead of excusing herself decides to ask through the phlem "wheres the bathroom?" **gross..i know**...laughing loud..talking loud **i couldnt hear my aunt who was trying her damnest to talk my ear off..guees i should thank the hood rats for that one..lol**.
i just dont understand people that act that way...maybe because my mother uprooted us out of the projects at the tender ages of 4 and 1...im glad she did or i might have ended up like Sha-naynay and Asheekahshay...i wish they could see themselves in a clearer light..so unlady like

**Shaking my head** *Deep Sigh*

this too shall pass....

Lord knows school is next on my agenda!!

Living here in GA in the situation I am in has made me so very ready and quite regretful of the fact that I decided school "wasn't for me". That had to be the dumbest thought to ever process itself into my gorgeous brain. I look back on how I was just being stubborn and afraid of what the future held.

What brings this on?

I am in College Park Health Department for a WIC appointment like most mothers in my sit' do to make things a lil bit easier until I'm on my feet.

There is nothing but non sense around me...

A woman who keeps "poppin" her no older than 9 mth old daughter for no reason in my eyes.

They had me sitting in the wrong area for over and hr after I asked was I in the correct area!

The employees seem to be more interested in my jewelry than taking care of what I need from them!

There's a woman sitting next to me ignoring her screaming child because her grown ass has a belly ache!!

You have to listen hard as hell for your name to be SCREAMED from the back room because you are hearing "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!" as well as a young boy very concerned about his mothers minutes on her phone and watching my black ass on my SK3...telling his mother his young ass wants a $300 phone....boy please.

I've been here since 9:45 and it is now 1:08...I am 7 mths pregnant and hungry as all hell!!

SCHOOL IS NEXT ON MY AGENDA!!!

*Some good news!*

We got the place in Stockbridge...beautiful apartment...brand new everything!! BADAH BAH BAH BAH.....I'm loving it!!

todays events....

Where do I begin...

I went to church today with my aunt WCCI to be precise *Creflos church..the one where everyone tries to scare you outta going because they supposedly ask for your W2 forms and have ATMS and blah blah* that's all funny to me because it usually comes from people that have never been there. Its my 3rd or 4th time there and they haven't asked me for a thing nor do they have an ATM machine anywhere in sight.

But anyhoo..being in the state of mind I've been in I totally need the word of God so I've been going and Creflo definitely tells you things you need to hear..no complaints from me Cref'. But he wasn't there this service I was introduced to his wife Taffi *my Lord what names..match made in heaven Creflo and Taffi..lol j/p * and I found myself half listening to her. She doesn't have that pizazz that Cref has to make you listen...she stutters a bit much and it throws you off *I have cousins that have stuttering probs nothing against anyone who does..just not meant for public speaking...figgadill me?* but I felt like I got something from her just not what I get from Cref...he feels like he's talking directly to me and really makes me feel a whole lot better *I'm very aware that that's God working through him on me..and its def working...I feel it*

My time was cut short with Ms Taffi due to a misbehaving almost 3 yr old that I bore. I couldn't believe how he was acting today. We literally had to leave about an hr early and I was livid. I lit his but up when we got home...took his toys...and disconnected the video game. Peeps, I'm dead serious,my son plays video games and knows what he's doing without any help. So I called myself doing something by taking it all away for unacceptable behavior. I explained why these things were happening,not like he gave a crap or anything I just like to think I'm doing what I have to to keep him on the right track. Yes?

He's cool now and I'm hella hungry...can't wait for the food to be done.

I'm feeling real positive right now...I'm glad this weekend is over b/c I'll soon hear the status of the apartment I've been scoping *Haaaayyyy*
I've been told claim it and its yours..I'm claiming it and believing its mine. Ill feel even better when I hear those words..I'm so focused and ready to get my new life in motion..I see great things happening for me and foundation *mom and lil bruh Jay*. Moms starting on her Masters degree and I'm so excited and nervous b/c she stresses so bad w/ school..but I know shell be fine she always is in the end.

My special ed father had the nerve to call me and was so nervous it was dead air for a hot second *giggle*...but whatev..I told him I don't have time to sit around and dwell on his drama.. I told him the point of me leaving Ct was to get the hoollahay away from him and everything else that caused me agony there. And trust me..he cause a lot of my stress..him and Mar Sr..I've let them both go for now cold turkey *no shakes though...crawling skin maybe..HA!!* All is well though I won't let gravity hold me down..I'm an air sign we meant to fly!!
LIBRAS STAND UP!!! *what the hell alyse?? lmao*