whats on my mind

Hey guys, sorry I've been so lack-luster with my posting. I cant seem to get my mind right on a few things. Im a bit stressed and Im the type that refuses to give in to whatever is stressing me so I go into my shell and remain there until I can pull it together. Things regarding my move here to GA and the fact that I am feeling a bit discouraged about living here. Finances are not what they need to be to just pack up and go home. I've been getting ALOT of help from my Mom and I couldnt thank her enough. K.D understands that a lot of my feelings where stress related and I just felt he wasnt there the way I needed him to be (Im spoiled y'all..he did it) But my heart hurts at the fact that I made this MAJOR move and things are making me feel like I need to get home ASAP!. The education down here SUCKS!! And my son is very intelligent , that puts fear in my heart that this state WANTS children to regress!! Are you f*ken kidding me?!!? Aww hell no!! Im not having that AT ALL. My mother and I were online and she was on this website that had all the states schooling by grades and GA had a damn D!!! CT had an A- for private and B+ for public. So basically people I was better off staying where I am from.
I now realize that yeah it is cheaper to live her but you sooo pay for it with the MAJOR pay cut you receive and it sucks soo bad. Im not used to this and I can no longer deal with it. Its lowering my spirit the way I was feeling when I decided to leave. I literally feel like blowing a "j" and saying f*ck it, but I WONT I love my babies too much to give up.
I start school in 2 weeks and cant friggin wait!! I see my babies at the end that this journey and a life my mom wasnt able to give us because she didnt have the resources that I have to take advantage of.
This post was going to be about me and my relationship because this move is truly going to test our strength. My baby has NEVER lived anywhere else and he also has to change his profession for a short while sowe can get things together to get the hell out of here!!
I was nervous that he would chastise me for deciding to move back basically 5 mths after he got here. But he didnt, he actually understood that I had to find out for myself and now that I have he is more than willing to get away for a bit as well and get our minds clear and ready to completely devote ourselves to creating the life we didnt have for our boys.
He's getting his GED (thats the test he is going for) and I am proud of him. He has had it rough without having someone to guide him. He has made some silly mistakes, but somehow still remained from going down that path leading him to a dead end. He turned to barbering and realized he wasnt that type of guy, he has so much potential for greatness and I think thats what keeps me going with him. I want him to see how great he his and instill that greatness in our boys.
He will be here very soon and I cant wait. I never looked at our relationship as long distance, I dont know why because that is basically what it became since we left. He has never given me a reason to not trust him so I have no idea why I started buggin' for a hot second, like I said he has me rotten with his attention he's never been the "lovey dovey" type but I have ALWAYS had his full attention.

Ummm...this post turned into something else but whatever...lol.

Im looking forward to busting these next 6 months out..I gotta get outta here before I lose it!!

Thank you all for your kind words and making me feel a bit better.

Peace Until...