Wasn't Really Love/My Mom My Mentor

*Interesting movie I'm watching based on a true story about a woman who has poisioned her husband for insurance money and is now poisioning her teenaged daughter for her insurance money,she basically cons every person she comes in contact w/. She married a man in Fl,told him she had an incurable blood disease and had to go to a medical center in TX,she leaves,calls him herself pretending to be a twin and says her "sister" is dead! Would you believe she returned to him as her "twin sister"? And fools this damn obviously gullible guy ...carzy crazy lady*

Anyway,I feel liberated because I finally told my kids father how I truly felt,after him begging me to talk to him and whatnot,but I finally got it out. Of course it lead right back to him being his disrespectful self but what else was I expecting? For him to actually be open to what I had to say? Would you believe he had the nerve to say to me the reason why,when me and his son had no money for food, the reason he didn't give me any money or see about us was because I had too much pride?! That was the straw that broke the camels back! You mean to tell me my pride is more important to you than your sons growling stomache? Get the F outta here! He just made it easier to move on. So of course I'm a "dumb ass bitch" because I told him everything he didn't want hear. So! Needless to say that my relationship w/ the worse person I could've linked myself to is over! I can thank him for one thing though, MY BOYS!! These are the things that happen when you are truly fed up, a place I figured I'd get to just not this soon. I always had this feeling that he was addicted to my sex and I was to his. I mean sexually, we were insync everything was on point. I knew for a fact I had him wrapped as far as sex goes,but communication? That was so far off it aint even funny. I don't think he knows me nor understands me,I think he has it in his head I'm "sadity" becuase I want a house of my own a nice car and I want my kids in private school. What's wrong with wanting what I didn't have because my mother had to work her ass off 2 jobs to fend for me and my brother?! I'm going to school next year and I will have a full on career by the age of 30, I'm 23 on the 5th of October. Believe you me, I'm not going to wait, I'll do while my kids are young. Guess it wasn't really love.

I'm glad and so thankful to have the foundation that I have. My mom is my strength,she's an amazing woman in my eyes. The older I get the more I'm like her and I'm loving it. I handled Shamarr Sr in a manner I wouldn't have 1 yr ago, I would've been in Ct (of course) bashing in every part of his car and at his head with some kind of weapon. But now that I realize that is not the example I want to set for my babies, I won't act that way. My kids mean so much to me and I'm glad to have that in me because if I didn't mean what I do to my mom I'd probably be a whole different type of person.

Something I've always respected my mother for was that she had her pursuers but she NEVER brought them around myself and my brother. She handled herself so ladylike, she never had us around different men and whatnot. I think its because of all the kinds of abuse that happens when you let a foriegn man around your children. My mother would've literally committed a murder! No lie! I just hope to progress and be more like my mother, we came out pretty good and want the same for my kids. As for now, I have 2 boyfriends Shamarr Jr and Braylon
Peace Until Lata!