Hard 2 Say "Im Sorry"

As I get to know myself,I realize ALOT of my flaws that I really want to work on for a better future

-Im difficult
-Spoiled
-Expect waaay too much of EVERYONE around me
-I demand the IMPOSSIBLE even if its just a thought in my mind *i know that sounds crazy*
-I expect my mate to read my mind instead of just TELLIN him whats wrong with me or whats NOT wrong
-I have a HARD time admitting when Im wrong AND apologizing for it

Maaan..the list goes on and on..lol

Its now becoming a struggle especially with the HUGE mess Mar and i created

I guess Im not living up to my part of the "healing process"..im really irritable,moody, and snappy
I get mad over the simplest thing..i am VERY sensitive to almost EVERYTHING he says

I have finally come to the conclusion that this HUGE mess we created has caused some kind of emotional imbalance within me
As hard as that is for me to admitt..so things we go through cause us to wind up in a place of depression.
In my case its not the "lye in bed and cry and mope all day" kind of depression its more of an angry depression and HE gets the blunt of it

I am QUICK to jump into "maybe we shouldnt be together" when I know deep down I dont mean it and I am still willing to put in the fight for us
Its not fair to him because as much as he doesnt question the way Im feeling *TO ME FOR THAT MATTER..HES VERY INTERNAL* I dont ask him as well
I thought we were on the path to fixing things..but when youve been together so long and have become accustom to being a certain way, its hard to jump into being another way to one another

I also found that Im a bit embarrassed to admit to him that i AM depressed and it IS causing alot the miscommunication thats been going on within these past weeks.

I tried to apologize for my bitchyness this morning..but i havent gotten a response..i think i really pissed him off with the things I said..shew he made me mad too but i didnt take true offense because i know he didnt mean it.
I really am sorry and i hope we can talk and get through this

I dont know guys..Im struggling here..its an everyday ongoing battle these days

I HATE sounding all mizzy on the net..im just going through some things...cant be happy ALL the time right??
gotta hit a rough patch at some point

Thatll do it for now...
Lata

Transformed

I feel like I have transformed into the "Me" that Ive been muffling for soo long.

I say this because..I used to go out often and smoke trees ALOT!!

Never the less my child was taken care of and it was ALWAYS a once a weekend thang.

But....

I feel like I have truly changed guys.
I used to go out because I was unsatisfied with my relationship.
It was around the time where Id SAY that he wasnt doing this or wasnt giving me that..and I felt like I couldnt talk to the man I loved/the man who claimed to love me.

Soo..

I thought getting REAL FLY and stepping out on the town was suffice.

No..

I went out last nite with my "New" self and felt soo out of place..the WHOLE time I just wanted to go home and hold Braylon y'all and call my oldest on the phone.
NO LIE!!

I just wanted my Chocolate Little Monster to smile and coo in my face and hear Shamarr send me kisses through the phone rather than the foo's that was up in there last nite. ::SMH::

I love ALL EVERYWHERE and I dont discriminate but WHY does it seem like my people from the South are stuck in a time warp??
I REALLY wanted to take the ladies shopping and GET THEM SOMETHING THAT COMPLIMENTED THEIR BODY SHAPE!!
And the fellaz??
You dont go out looking like you just got out of bed and said "Hey, I thank I wanna go to da' club"


Aaaanyhoooo...

I truly feel that "change" in me..I am actually content with my relationship and the fact that we ARE going to argue and not see eye to eye on EVERYTHING..but..hey..that makes for SPECTACULAR make up sex ::WINK::

Im happy y'all and there is NOTHING a club with a HOT MESS man or even a SEXXY ass one can do for me.

I am all about my family and proud of it.

MY FAMILY