Hard 2 Say "Im Sorry"

As I get to know myself,I realize ALOT of my flaws that I really want to work on for a better future

-Im difficult
-Spoiled
-Expect waaay too much of EVERYONE around me
-I demand the IMPOSSIBLE even if its just a thought in my mind *i know that sounds crazy*
-I expect my mate to read my mind instead of just TELLIN him whats wrong with me or whats NOT wrong
-I have a HARD time admitting when Im wrong AND apologizing for it

Maaan..the list goes on and on..lol

Its now becoming a struggle especially with the HUGE mess Mar and i created

I guess Im not living up to my part of the "healing process"..im really irritable,moody, and snappy
I get mad over the simplest thing..i am VERY sensitive to almost EVERYTHING he says

I have finally come to the conclusion that this HUGE mess we created has caused some kind of emotional imbalance within me
As hard as that is for me to admitt..so things we go through cause us to wind up in a place of depression.
In my case its not the "lye in bed and cry and mope all day" kind of depression its more of an angry depression and HE gets the blunt of it

I am QUICK to jump into "maybe we shouldnt be together" when I know deep down I dont mean it and I am still willing to put in the fight for us
Its not fair to him because as much as he doesnt question the way Im feeling *TO ME FOR THAT MATTER..HES VERY INTERNAL* I dont ask him as well
I thought we were on the path to fixing things..but when youve been together so long and have become accustom to being a certain way, its hard to jump into being another way to one another

I also found that Im a bit embarrassed to admit to him that i AM depressed and it IS causing alot the miscommunication thats been going on within these past weeks.

I tried to apologize for my bitchyness this morning..but i havent gotten a response..i think i really pissed him off with the things I said..shew he made me mad too but i didnt take true offense because i know he didnt mean it.
I really am sorry and i hope we can talk and get through this

I dont know guys..Im struggling here..its an everyday ongoing battle these days

I HATE sounding all mizzy on the net..im just going through some things...cant be happy ALL the time right??
gotta hit a rough patch at some point

Thatll do it for now...
Lata

The Grestest Part

The greatest part of getting ahead is getting started.
Ive been gone for a loog while but Im back..brand new and reformed.

Life has come and b*tch slapped me so hard i had NO CHOICE but to TRULY get it together
I guess thats the way it goes eh??

My boyz are GREAT...funny as hell..growing faster than my eyes have time to catch up

Mar and I are actually better than ever...we recieved a MAJOR reality check and boy did it EVER chiggidy-check our arses
The best part is we are so close now its amazes me, we ACTUALLY know how to argue AND get over it THE SAME NIGHT *GASP*
Now that may sound crazy to some and believe me it wasnt the best feeling for me either but it is what it is and i KNEW i was being patient for SOMETHING...gosh..all the mess i put up with with this kid SOMETHIN HAD TO GIVE!!

I know for the most part Ive lost a few of my fellow bloggers..but if youre ANYTHING like me you check your roster and see whos doin what...even though with this ol Twitter thang whats the point of bloggin..hey occasional bloggin wont hurt..ay??

I have so much to be thankful for right now
I have been doing MAJOR soul searching..erasing certain people out of my life..letting go of others thoughts of me and the way i are,im ME love/like ALL of me or keeps it movin ya dig?? Living and learning from the mistakes Ive made..Just growing all togheter...realizing that i have been laying the veil over some deep rooted problems i have and the fact that they decided to rear their ugly heads and FORCED me to deal has made me appreciate my life and the fact that IM NOT PERFECT and there is still some work to be done.

Im revved and ready to go

y'all ready??

Heeeerrrree we go.....

Minor Update

Heeeeey!!!
Oh my goodness...i feel sooo out of the loop right now.

But for those that are still rockin with me and checkin up on me, i have an update.

My comp is STILL in Ga so that explains the lack of posts...i still dont have constant access to a comp.

Other than that all is well...the boys and i are great K.D is doing well also.

We are currently moving into our place and getting thoings situated.

I sooo want to tell all because there is soo much to tell but i truly cant at the moment.

For all that have checked up on me and still show me love...THANK YOU and I will be around soon!!

***hugz n kisses LoveMuffins!!!***

Its Been A Looooong Time

Weeeell......

What to say?

Where to start?


Im sooo gawn from GA and doing well so far.
Been staying with my bestest and oh so grateful for that.

My car is here in CT,after being immobile for almost 2 mths I kind of felt Id be that way for awhile.

The boys are great..Braylon is getting HUGE!! (pics as soon as I can guys)
Shamarr is 3 going on 14..too damn much for me y'all too damn much (pics of him soon as well)

Being home feels good..on a job hunt right about now.

We are getting a house!!!
Its sooo niiice...Im soo grateful for things going in the right direction.
I feel like GA had ya' girl stagnant, I just couldnt do it guys.

Buuut..Im home now visiting non-phony fam', probably attending a cookout tomorrow.
If anything Ill just go because Lil Mar enjoys the air, let him run about.

Truth be told..this is my first time sitting at a computer since my last entry..so Im not so sure when my next will be, Ill try to make it soon.

Thanx for All the Mothers Day shout outs!!!

I had a great Moms Day...K.D took me shopping for clothes and sneakers (got some FLY AZZ J's)..Im soo appreciative for that..Love ma' babes.

I hope all my Moms enjoyed their day and you guys enjoy your holiday.

Much love..Miss yall!!!!

Update and a Plug

Hey guys!!

All is well...
Gearing up for this weekend and MONDAY!!!!

My son is soo excited for our grand appearance..he tells me daily how he misses me and "his" Braylon..lol.

I have a J.O.B waiting for ME!!!

Thanx to my AWESOME BFF...L!!!
LOVES HER!!!

She has TRULY shown me TRUE friendship and that she really DOES care for me.

Onto other things..




I HAVE to inform my people on this website by a fellow V-logger Jia.

She is a true gem for this one.

The website is www.projectnewera.com

It is about OUR community and the horrible things that our happening to US and OUR children.

PLEASE check it out..it it SOO worth it.
You will be informed and who knows..YOU just might have some info that can help one of OUR missing children/men/women.

I love y'all...once again check out the site and show some love.

Be Good

::smooches::

Ok Ok Ok

Wonderin' Where the hell Ive been???


And What Ive been doin'??




Weeellllll.......


Im.....



Busy....



AS HELL......




PACKING!!!!!

As you all may know...
I am moving back home to Ct.
We (My brother and I) purchased our tickets and we are OUT OF HERE in 10 DAYS!!!

Soooo.....

You wont hear much from me being that it is HELLA hectic getting things in order to go to storage for a short period of time.

But.....

I wont be gone too long...I have been stalking and not commenting..havent been on the Comp. too much if it isnt looking up prices on movers and what have you.

I havent forgotten about you guys so PLEASE dont forget about your gurl :-)

I'll holla soon.

::smooches::

Transformed

I feel like I have transformed into the "Me" that Ive been muffling for soo long.

I say this because..I used to go out often and smoke trees ALOT!!

Never the less my child was taken care of and it was ALWAYS a once a weekend thang.

But....

I feel like I have truly changed guys.
I used to go out because I was unsatisfied with my relationship.
It was around the time where Id SAY that he wasnt doing this or wasnt giving me that..and I felt like I couldnt talk to the man I loved/the man who claimed to love me.

Soo..

I thought getting REAL FLY and stepping out on the town was suffice.

No..

I went out last nite with my "New" self and felt soo out of place..the WHOLE time I just wanted to go home and hold Braylon y'all and call my oldest on the phone.
NO LIE!!

I just wanted my Chocolate Little Monster to smile and coo in my face and hear Shamarr send me kisses through the phone rather than the foo's that was up in there last nite. ::SMH::

I love ALL EVERYWHERE and I dont discriminate but WHY does it seem like my people from the South are stuck in a time warp??
I REALLY wanted to take the ladies shopping and GET THEM SOMETHING THAT COMPLIMENTED THEIR BODY SHAPE!!
And the fellaz??
You dont go out looking like you just got out of bed and said "Hey, I thank I wanna go to da' club"


Aaaanyhoooo...

I truly feel that "change" in me..I am actually content with my relationship and the fact that we ARE going to argue and not see eye to eye on EVERYTHING..but..hey..that makes for SPECTACULAR make up sex ::WINK::

Im happy y'all and there is NOTHING a club with a HOT MESS man or even a SEXXY ass one can do for me.

I am all about my family and proud of it.

MY FAMILY