Hard 2 Say "Im Sorry"

As I get to know myself,I realize ALOT of my flaws that I really want to work on for a better future

-Im difficult
-Spoiled
-Expect waaay too much of EVERYONE around me
-I demand the IMPOSSIBLE even if its just a thought in my mind *i know that sounds crazy*
-I expect my mate to read my mind instead of just TELLIN him whats wrong with me or whats NOT wrong
-I have a HARD time admitting when Im wrong AND apologizing for it

Maaan..the list goes on and on..lol

Its now becoming a struggle especially with the HUGE mess Mar and i created

I guess Im not living up to my part of the "healing process"..im really irritable,moody, and snappy
I get mad over the simplest thing..i am VERY sensitive to almost EVERYTHING he says

I have finally come to the conclusion that this HUGE mess we created has caused some kind of emotional imbalance within me
As hard as that is for me to admitt..so things we go through cause us to wind up in a place of depression.
In my case its not the "lye in bed and cry and mope all day" kind of depression its more of an angry depression and HE gets the blunt of it

I am QUICK to jump into "maybe we shouldnt be together" when I know deep down I dont mean it and I am still willing to put in the fight for us
Its not fair to him because as much as he doesnt question the way Im feeling *TO ME FOR THAT MATTER..HES VERY INTERNAL* I dont ask him as well
I thought we were on the path to fixing things..but when youve been together so long and have become accustom to being a certain way, its hard to jump into being another way to one another

I also found that Im a bit embarrassed to admit to him that i AM depressed and it IS causing alot the miscommunication thats been going on within these past weeks.

I tried to apologize for my bitchyness this morning..but i havent gotten a response..i think i really pissed him off with the things I said..shew he made me mad too but i didnt take true offense because i know he didnt mean it.
I really am sorry and i hope we can talk and get through this

I dont know guys..Im struggling here..its an everyday ongoing battle these days

I HATE sounding all mizzy on the net..im just going through some things...cant be happy ALL the time right??
gotta hit a rough patch at some point

Thatll do it for now...
Lata

The Grestest Part

The greatest part of getting ahead is getting started.
Ive been gone for a loog while but Im back..brand new and reformed.

Life has come and b*tch slapped me so hard i had NO CHOICE but to TRULY get it together
I guess thats the way it goes eh??

My boyz are GREAT...funny as hell..growing faster than my eyes have time to catch up

Mar and I are actually better than ever...we recieved a MAJOR reality check and boy did it EVER chiggidy-check our arses
The best part is we are so close now its amazes me, we ACTUALLY know how to argue AND get over it THE SAME NIGHT *GASP*
Now that may sound crazy to some and believe me it wasnt the best feeling for me either but it is what it is and i KNEW i was being patient for SOMETHING...gosh..all the mess i put up with with this kid SOMETHIN HAD TO GIVE!!

I know for the most part Ive lost a few of my fellow bloggers..but if youre ANYTHING like me you check your roster and see whos doin what...even though with this ol Twitter thang whats the point of bloggin..hey occasional bloggin wont hurt..ay??

I have so much to be thankful for right now
I have been doing MAJOR soul searching..erasing certain people out of my life..letting go of others thoughts of me and the way i are,im ME love/like ALL of me or keeps it movin ya dig?? Living and learning from the mistakes Ive made..Just growing all togheter...realizing that i have been laying the veil over some deep rooted problems i have and the fact that they decided to rear their ugly heads and FORCED me to deal has made me appreciate my life and the fact that IM NOT PERFECT and there is still some work to be done.

Im revved and ready to go

y'all ready??

Heeeerrrree we go.....

Minor Update

Heeeeey!!!
Oh my goodness...i feel sooo out of the loop right now.

But for those that are still rockin with me and checkin up on me, i have an update.

My comp is STILL in Ga so that explains the lack of posts...i still dont have constant access to a comp.

Other than that all is well...the boys and i are great K.D is doing well also.

We are currently moving into our place and getting thoings situated.

I sooo want to tell all because there is soo much to tell but i truly cant at the moment.

For all that have checked up on me and still show me love...THANK YOU and I will be around soon!!

***hugz n kisses LoveMuffins!!!***