2007 Questionaire

im jacking right now..i got this from la bella vita's spot and my girl ms behavin's..i was going to post something else but i didnt feel like trying to come up with a "penetrating" post so....here goes:


Was 2007 a good year for you??

yea..i guess i can say it was because it couldve been worse..i can truly say 2007 was my coming of age..i realize the way i was living was unacceptable and pointless..it was time for me to grow up...and i feel i did.

What was your favorite moment of the year??

i have 2..the moment i "man'ed up" and left all that i know behind in Ct and moved to Ga..and the birth of my new baby boy braylon *cheesing hard as hell*

What was your least favorite moment of the year??

*surpressing an embarrassed laugh* when i left my sidekick in K.D's car and he checked my text messages and found out about "Seat-filler"...damn..that was interesting *still trying not to laugh*

Where were you when 2007 began??

at my best friends party nice as hell and yelling at K.D on the phone to hurry his ass up picking up late ass friends of his *UGH!! i got NO kiss at the ball drop because he playing taxi!!*

Who were you with??

my people having a great and safe time.

Where will you be when 2007 ends??

at home


Who will you be with when 2007 ends??

with the kiddies, my mom and brother, most likely on the phone with K.D *knowing him he wont go anywhere cuz he trying to save money*

Did you keep your new years resolution for 2007??


didnt make one..i was too busy yelling at my man and "making up" with him by the night ;-}

Do you have a new years resolution for 2008??

yea..get my behind in school..and aspire to be the best mom,daughter,sister,lover i can be.

Did you fall in love in 2007??

you know what?? i feel like i fell in love all over again with K.D..i dunno..i just feel the NEED to have him and i miss em' so much i actually cried the day he left..seeing him after NOT seeing him for 3 1/2 mths brought back all of my original feelings...so i think i can confidently answer this question with a..yes *grinning from ear to ear*

if yes than who??

my K.D

If yes, do they know??

i havent told him yet...lol.

Are you still in love with them??

sure am


Do you regret it??


i dont regret anything in my life.


Did you break-up with anyone in 2007??


K.D and i broke up and got back together.


Did you make any new friends in 2007??


just blogger buddies..thats about it.


Who are your (most memorable) favorite new friends??

n/a

What was your favorite month of 2007??

id have to say Mar/Apr..there was a lot of "making up" going on between K.D and i..that was hella fun!! *sheeiit..thats how (and when) i got knocked up again*

Did you travel outside the US in 2007??

*pouting* no

How many states have you traveled to in 2007??

1

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007??

no *thank you Jesus*


Did you miss anyone in the past year??

yea...will continue missing them until Feb 08'


What was your favorite movie you saw in 2007??

id have to go with Transformers,Spidey 3, and Disturbia

What was your favorite song of 2007??

i had a huge partying spurt this year and for some reason id LOSE it when Young Joc's "Its Going Down" came on...my part "Ooo i think they like me...betta yet i know..lights camera action when i walk through tha do'" You cant tell me that wasnt everyones part!! lol

What was your favorite album from 2007??

i had a couple..i was feeling amy whinehouse..christina aguilera..kanye..common*you know what?? ima edit this and come back with some more*

How many concerts did you see in 2007??

none..but i did get to see Kat Williams and all of his hilarity.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2007??

n/a

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007??

uuhh..lol..yes as well as a lotta mary jane.

Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007??

mary jane aint a drug to me..i dont care what dem damn commercials say.

How many people did you sleep with in 2007??

DAMN!! is that REALLY ya business?? i dont discuss stuff like that...nah..im playin..just K.D..beefin or not id give up the coochie cuz caint nobody do me like ma' baby.

Did you do anything youre ashamed of this year??

yea..but fear that certain people might gain access to my blog...ill pass on this one

What was the biggest lie you told in 2007??

that i wasnt feeling "seat-filler" like that..truth was i liked him..i just wished he was K.D.

Did you treat anybody badly in 2007??

yea..but he aint go nowhere so what difference did it make?? lol

Did someone treat you badly in 2007??

hell yea..but i didnt go aywhere *for too long* so what difference did it make?? lol

How much money did you spend in 2007??

too damn much!!

What was your proudest moment in 2007??

Hmm..when i told my father the truth about himself.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007??

i dont think i had one...ill have to give that one some thought.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007..what would it be??

the moment when K.D found out about Seat-Filler..id say sooo much more..i felt so bad because he was crying and all emotional i held back the REAL reason i went and started talking to another dude..even though i am quite sure he knew the reason..i still feel he needed to hear it from the horses mouth...and the "make up" that was REAL nice..lol

What are your plans for 2008??

to make ma' mama proud and what i have to for my kids and what i need to maintain a happy family life.

fill in the blank friday

1. Chill is the word that best describes how i spent my Christmas.

2. I plan to ring in the new year at home with the kids and a bottle of Patron and seriously missing K.D.

3. My biggest accomplishment(s) of 2007 were giving birth to Braylon and moving to Georgia getting a peace of mind from Ct..but im kinda ready to go home..is that bad??

4. Some of the goals/new years resolutions ive set for 2008 are to start school, continue losing the "baby weight" (down 30lbs so far!!),and to remain chill when things get rough with ANYTHING in my life (K.D. my Dad..whateva) time to relax and take more mature approached towards my problems.

5. This weekend ill be washing clothes, and trying to do something to this thick bush of hair i have on my head as of right now.


6. Being more responsible with money and getting pregnant without having what i needed together (im glad he's here dont get me wrong..i just wanted better for my children..hey..ya live and ya learn) are things i regret doing or not doing this year.


7. There is nothing (i find) more embarrassing than going out with rambunctious people..loud and all ghetto and getting y'all kicked out the club with they foolishness.


8. Today, I feel slightly bored and tired from being up with Braylon all night.

what i see...

I was feeling a bit down today and wasnt going to blog or anything of that nature..but i was sitting here and thought to myself "why am i dwelling on being sad today?? i can just sit and think about the things that i am thankful for" hence this post..I hope you are all enjoying your day.

I have so many things to be thankful for so i decided to cheer myself up and put them in writing:

Im thankful for:

-My kids...each day i look at them *especially when they are asleep* and i am so overjoyed with love and appreciation.

-God..he knew there was something special enough about me to birth 2 beautiful boys.

-Love..the ability to love is a feeling taken for granted there are soo many people out here that feel alone and un-loved..i am loved and that is an awesome feeling

-Forgiveness...its going to be a new year and i need to let go of the things that have ailed me for so long..time to forgive and forget.

-Growing and learning..each day i learn something new about life as well as myself..im willing and ready to face each day with positivity and an open mind.

-Memories..i thought of me and K.D's first kiss..it was electric!! that kiss i KNEW he was mine and was not going anywhere anytime soon *i want a kiss like that when he gets back*

-Separation..the fact that i am so far from the "one i love" and i still feel the same about him tells me something about US..we just might have a chance...and Lord knows when he get here IMA TEAR HIS ASS UP!!!

-Real Friends...im realizing with me being so far away who my true friends are and why they are just that.

-To just Be..im here...im alive..i have a roof over my head..clothes on my back..food in me and my kids bellies..and i have family...im healthy.

I cant complain..I Wont complain.

Lata y'all

Have A Good One!!

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY EVERYONE!!!

(may i just note that im having my first case of holiday blues..i am so far away from my family and it is making me really sad right now..i hope K.D doesnt piss me off cuz i miss em and id hate to have to flip with all these emotions flowing through me..*sigh* oh well..ill get through it..peace y'all)

goodbye....for now

or maybe i should say "see ya later"...i dunno..im sad though and feel like a well of tears because ma' baby left today*booooo*

i miss k.d...i know i know...i complain about him ALOT but my feelings are all jambled and im the type of person to vent and sound like i caint stand the person...but..thats not the case with k.d...im still in love with him when i thought i wasnt...im sooo sad hes gone...he'll be back by the end of next month if im not mistaken....we'll say Jan/Febish.

like i said...we talked about things and i realize we are both the kind of people that completely guard our true feelings in hopes that it will save us from feeling pain...i know he loves me i see it in his eyes and to me your eyes tell so much truth and he loves his kids...i feel like if i bend and just show him ME,the mother of his 2 sons that loves him more than words can say maybe that will start to break down his walls...basically..i have to break down my own barriers to get him to see that i love him and i dont want to be hurt just as much as he doesnt.

i miss him...i wish i didnt feel like this visit was a tease *we couldnt do anything hence the situation of giving birth to braylon via c-section*..ive always felt like sex is when he and i release our actual feelings for one another..hes not the "i love u baby" type but when we getting it in its "i love you" this and "i love you so much" that...i find it funny but i believe it cuz i know him and thats just the way he is...thats my babe...ill be on next week about how he pissed me off and whatnot...lol.

im hoping things do work itself out for the better with he and i..im looking to get these 4 credits i need to start school in Sept '08 and while im at it ill look for a school out here for him to get licensed in barbering *boy been cuttin hair over 10 yrs..dont ask why hes never gone ligit* hes good at it..hes the only one i want on my son head thats for sure.

so my hopes are to do this 24 mth program he get licensed and we get outta here right after that..hes got people that will help him get his own shop *if he needs the help* back home and ill be straight financially so im praying we get this poppin..i want my kids to have what we both didnt...a dad in the household a part of raising them....cant fault me for that

Lord please dont let me fall

peace until

we need a resolution..so much confusion

ok..so k.d and i actually talked about the root of our issues and he acknowledged being lackluster by stepping his shit up once i decided it would be best for my kids to see their dad off tomorrow.

it drives me crazy..this back and forth that is he and i and for some reason i dont think im that tired because if i was id leave his ass alone for good. i asked my mom why is it that i never seem to really know what my plans are with him and why i accept him back every single time he drives me up a wall?? she responded by saying when you truly love someone youll give them all the chances in the world until that fateful day comes when you are seriously fed up. i guess when i say im tired im not quite there yet. id like to share this little..hmm what should i call it?? i dunno ima call it a lil tale..

a man was walking down a dirt road when he came up on an old house with an old man and an old dog on the porch...the man noticed the dog kept howling over and over just howling...he finally asked the old man on the porch "sir..why is your dog howling like that??" the old man responded "oh..he just sitting on a nail." the man then asks "well..why doenst he just move??" the old man chuckled and replied "it must not be hurting that bad"

-the story of my relationshp



we went to braylons doc appointment today and to walmart for something ot cook when we got back...while in line..i looked over at him and i felt a flutter i hadnt felt in a while...im so confused mayne..i dunno..love is annoying i swear.

peace until...

im really feeling this track with timbo and one repulblic..hot as hell!!

update

i just sent k.d. to the aunt he was dying to get to...im done..i cant do this to my kids...they dont deserve it and niether do i.

it hurts so bad that he would do this to us..im hurting and cant stop crying for doing this to my sons..but tomorrow is a new day and he'll be hurting way worse than me.

i just wish it couldve been different but when God puts something in your face you HAVE to pay attention.

i knew it wasnt meant to be and i dont want it to be so what the hell do i feel bad for?? i feel like i failed my babies..they deserve so much more.

ill be in better spirits soon...shit..i am in better spirits that just gave me the fuel i needed to get ish right for me and mine and those boys damn sure are MINE!!

and yet...i feel a huge sense of relief...crying is sooo good for the soul

his lose

still hate his ass though..scream it kelis..lmao

braylon and some otha ish...

braylon james


wow..what do i say?? hes really here and i feel like a new mom all over again *big grin* i have so much to be thankful for.hes healthy,eats fine,slightly spoiled in the sleep area but what can i say?? im so in love with him *i gotta bit of the "baby blues" so this post might make me cry..lol* he is shamarr all over again they truly look identical...its kind of scary..lol.

i look at my babies and i just want to give them the world *i have some issues with k.d and im trying to be civil being that i am in pain and all but i think im on the edge of tellin his ass to return home and DONT COME BACK!!* they are such a huge part of who i am today i cant do anything but thank them and keep striving for the best.

delivery went well..i was kind of out of it and reeeeally sleepy..come to find out i was dehydrated and had to be on i.v fluids the entire stay..that wasnt cool because ive never been dehydrated it is not a cool feeling. your mouth gets sooo dry..you get sweaty for no damn reason and tired veeery tired...they put me on some med that made me itch like a damn heroin addict..i almost lost my damn mind scratching with a comb my brother found in the little toiletries they provide..lol...that ish was funny though.


big brother shamarr


shamarr has been so receptive to his new baby brother i almost cry..lol..i am so overjoyed with his initial reaction. he was happy and protective and wanted to hold him immediately. hed throw fits when it was time for them to return home because he wanted braylon and i to come home..lol..it was too cute. now every minute he is checking on his brother and when he cried *he got circumcised* when i was changing his diaper mar creid so hard it would break your heart..but thats exactly what i wanted..i want my kids to love and protect each ohter and be close like my brother and myself.



**************************************************************************************


ive been in such crazy moods lately and i know its to be expected but i dont like it..now.. i have a huge issue with k.d and i just cant continue to say how many times he makes me feel dumb for even trying with him..yalll..i just had MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY!! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WALKING AROUND MY HOUSE LIKE YOU ON A FUCKIN VACATION??!! i literally can count on 1 hand how many times this fuckin ass has helped me out..i was up all nite at the hosp with baby by myself!! while this motha@!*#? slept the nite away..the next day..i called my brother and told him to bring a change of clothes to stay with me..fuck that..atleast i know my brother will make sure im ok at all times...when jay went home i asked my mom to stay the last nite with me..im tired yall..im soooo tired..tuesday comes he can go back to Ct and stay there because he just showed me how its going to be right?? me doing EVERYTHING..today..im trying to get a "me" moment and grab a bowl of cereal and braylon starts to cry..why when i look up k.d is coming out my room on the phone and jay *my brother* is coming out my room with braylon?!?! WTF?!?! oh you gots to get the hell on up outta here bruh..i could do bad by my damn self...i was sooo pissed..i unplugged the phone *fuck that..you aint here to chill..get the fuck off my phone*...i went in my bathroom and put on Carl Thomas "You Aint Right" on repeat and cleaned up my bathroom *minus the percocets..so you KNOW i was running on "mad black woman" energy* i dont deserve this shit at all!! and i and tired of constantly complying with his past and all that bull..he is 27 yrs old and claims to love me..you dont do someone you love this way at all..shit.. i know im strong and determined to get better so i wont ask for much help but common sense would tell you to help your girl out if shes obviously in pain...this fucka is more concerned with the fact that he found a cousin down here and they want to see him...nigga...you are not here to visit you are here to help with your damn kids!! but is quick as fuck to get on the phone with people and them "yoooo...i just had my son" WTF?!?! YOU HAD WHAT?!?! I HAD THIS FUCKIN BABY NIGGA GET YO SHIT RIGHT!!!

TUESDAY YALL...TUESDAY

WHOOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA




i have no more to give..its all about my kids.

peace until...

hospital stays....

i know i know...you want pics of my new gorgeous lil man..but..ill handle that when i get home..im still in this damn hospital. ive never mentioned how much i dispise hospital stays. thank god for my mom her laptop and WiFi..lol..i have something to do right about now being that lil mr gorgeous is peacefully sleeping *hes beautiful yall!! i tell ya ALL about it when i post the pics* but this damn stay!! real talk i cant complain because everyone is very nice and blah blah blah..im just not one for staying up in this mug for 4 damn days!! i cant sleep..not interested in majority of the food they bring me *not all is bad..but yall get what im saying* i get woken up EVERY SINGLE TIME I JUST FALL ASLEEP!! now tell me that aint aggravating!! i had this nurse yesterday who literally left my right hand looking like someone injected a golf ball in it be cause "she couldnt find my veins" now..im swollen but my damn are fine..dont blame ME for the fact that YOU are clueless!! do us both a favor and pass this task onto someone who knows what the hell they are doing..i bid you good day!!

but how has everone been?? me?? drugged and so in love with my new lil one *once again i will go into full detail about mr braylon james and all his greatness* im happy right now and will be even happier once i get my black ass home tomorrow morning...my mom is staying with me tonite..K.D stayed the first nite then my brother the second nite..i have a great family..all heplful and whatnot..lol...i dont have much else to rant about im just spoiled and ready to go home and get some real rest.

well..ill be up surfing the web until the wee hours of the morn..

peace until...


topics ill get on when i get home:

the delivery

shamarr reaction to his baby brother

k.d.

my moods

*kind of reminding myself*

Uhh..thanx..but no thanx

real quick before i lay down and watch Tyra.....

im on the phone with K.D earlier this evening heres how it went....

blah blah blah...

then...

K.D "that bassinet aint new."

Me "umm..ok"

K.D "she has the same one from the babies uncle and i guess she felt she didnt need that one"

Me "Mmhmm"

K.D "you still want it??"

Me "no..not really"

K.D "why not??"

Me " i honestly dont need it and just didnt want to do the expected which would be to reject it"

K.D " what were you going to do with it??"

Me "give it to one of those places that buy baby stuff off of people"

K.D "well...im not puttin it on the truck if you dont want it."

Me "fine..i just dont want to seem like im acting funny about it
..i have a bassinet for my son"

now...for those who dont know this bassinet is from his sister who ive had problems with for a while for absolutely NO REASON KNOWN TO MAN..shes a disrespectful child that ive had nothing to do with for over a year and with damn good reason..do i want it to be this way?? no..but youve burned too many bridges with me for me NOT to question this supposed "good gesture".

now...im feeling like the real reason you TRIED to give it me was because someone brought you a new one and it doesnt sit well with me..youve never tried to help me in any other way before so why should i trust now?? i dont..keep it..sell it..shit i dont care cuz i wasnt going to use it anyway.


always an ulterior motive with black people..we will NEVER be friends


thanx..but no thanx

good night

peace until...

Getiing Excited!!

How are we all this beautiful morning??
im doing as good as God wants me to be..no pains a few "braxton hicks" but nothing i cant withstand. im still pretty upbeat and ready to go!! thanx for all my good luck and baby blessings *ima miss the attention..lol* im just so excited right now!! i have nothing to be aggravated about and it feels so good. my mom and K.D are gearing up to get on that road tomorrow to get here to me..man..i miss them.

lately *since i have NOTHING else to do* ive been thinking about why i was so mizzy in Ct. ive started to think it wasnt Ct itself but my financial situation that was bothering me and making me feel less than capable of taking care of the now 2 children i am to have. i dont hate home..its home..its a part of me and its what i know..i figured out what it is that i want to do and got on the phone with the school im interested in yesterday and we spoke about the prerequisite classes id need. i then called my mom and she said once she got here we'd jump on where i can take those classes and get that poppin so id be ready Sept 2008. im excited..i told K.D that i feel like a drag racing car when they are waiting for the green light..rearing up to GO. i have my goals set and im ready to achieve. i figured moving down here to get in school and stay 3 yrs tops and then ill have a thought as to going home or..hey..somewhere else who knows..i just knew for a fact that living in Ct with my own place,a job *or 2*, 2 kids, trying to go to school and of course BILLS BILLS BILLS wouldve caused a nervous breakdown and misery in me. i didnt like the person i was becoming..mean bitchy and couldnt wait to get my hands on a "j" to not think about it all. that feels awesome too..not smoking and what have you..i was getting outta control in my eyes..im glad God removed that out of me.

Feeling real good and cant wait to



MEET MY NEW.....




MySpace Comments


peace until..

My Chi

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

hey people..

first let me start by saying i had this CRAZY dream about a mouse turning into a cat and attacking me from behind..i damn near jumped out of my bed and skin!! LMAO!! all i could do was crack the hell up!! guess what touched my back?? my sons foot!! i dont mind pictures of cats but other than that i cant stand the creepy lil thangs..lol..i still find that funny as hell.



Today feels pretty good..for some reason im real mellow. getting the house ready for our new addition, cleaning *somewhat like a maniac*,moving things where i feel they should be..all that good stuff they call "nesting".

trying to complement my feng shui..refusing to let anything or anyone interrupt my flow. in a recent rant i went on about one of me best totally shocking and disappointing me with a crazy assumption..well..i talked to her straight up about it last night *i needed to cool off so i wouldnt spaz* and all is well..i feel so much better to get it out rather than bury it and hold a grudge.
K.D's mom calls and lets me know her daughter *the one that has this "created" issue with me..i slowly figured it out to be jealousy b/c she had NO other reason to feel the way she did towards me* is sending me a bassinet for my baby...the old alyse is like "wtf?? did she sprinkle itching powder all over it?? is it cursed with some kind of omen??"..but instead the fung shui alyse takes over and says "thank you..i guess 2 beds wont hurt *forced and slightly concerned smile*"

my mom is like let all that go they are all still my childrens relatives..i trust my moms opinion but she knows its hard for me to release how i fell when i havent actually heard from the person..the chick is sending messages through other people *grow up already will ya'*..but thats niether here nor there..not f*kin with the feng shui *thanks gnarles barkely*

im loving the calmness im feeling around the house..im so excited for my mom and K.D to get here Saturday!! Cuz when the night falls its ON *as much as it can be given the situation...lol*

well folks 7 days and counting..ima go..kind of feeling some pains..i need to go chill before i cook dinner *fried chicken,corn,and rice..keeping it quick and simple right about now*

peace until...